How Kunzite and Zoisite Found Love in Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet
(serving Greater Tokyo and Kyoto)

Part Three: What Really Happened between Zoisite and Nephrite?

© 1998 by the Great Ace Otaku


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Some weeks passed. Kunzite and Zoisite continued harvesting energy at Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet, their efforts being crowned with much success. As much as Kunzite despised the place, he had managed to grow used to it. Besides, he loved the crab cakes. And he found that Zoisite made a very good companion as well (not that kind of companion, ecchi! Not yet anyway...). Though he generally despised everyone he came into contact with, the way he felt for Zoisite was different, though he couldn't quite place his finger on it. And Zoisite was finding that though his feelings for his sensei were still increasing, at least he wasn't blushing nearly as much as before. As they collected energy, they would sit around and talk about just stuff, amid the general hustle and bustle of the establishment.

Of course such attentions could not be ignored by others, especially Zoisite's arch enemy, Nephrite. One day, Nephrite teleported into Zoisite's room (uninvited of course) to tease him and question him about what his relationship was to Kunzite.

"Hey, Zoi-chan!" Nephrite shouted exuberantly.

"Don't call me that!" Zoisite growled. "And who invited you here?"

"I invited myself," Nephrite replied haughtily. "Anyway, I only want to ask you some questions."

"Like what?"

"Like what kind of relationship are you sharing with that sensei of yours? The way you two are getting so chummy, I've been wondering if your training is continuing into the nighttime hours."

"Typical of you, Nephrite - mind always in the gutter."

"You two seem awfully close."

"Ever heard of being friends, Nephrite? Of course you haven't. All your friends are probably buried in a crawl space beneath that mansion of yours."

Nephrite frowned. "Not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be, Neffy-chan."

Nephrite gave a horrible scowl, but all Zoisite did was bat his eyes at him in response. But Nephrite quickly regained his smirk again. "It won't make a difference anyway. Kunzite won't like you anymore when he learns your kinky little secret."

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Why would Mr. Macho personified be interested in a third class man?"

"I'm as much a man as you, Nephrite! More actually!"

"This from a fem-boy who wears extra small jock straps and shops in the Victoria's Secret catalog!"

Zoisite became livid with rage. Rather than actually respond, he conjured up an ice crystal and tossed it at his enemy. The aim was a bit off, and the crystal hit Nephrite in his arm. Still, it was very painful and debilitating.

"Damn!" Nephrite swore, looking at his bleeding, mangled arm.

"It looks like it only takes a little fem-boy like me to fall the 'Great Nephrite'!" Zoisite gave Nephrite a devious laugh.

Nephrite glared at Zoisite before teleporting away to do something with his arm. Zoisite simply smirked over the temporary victory over his enemy.

* * *

Later in the week, Kunzite asked Zoisite a question of a rather delicate matter. It was when Zoisite was trying to win Kunzite a prize from one of those crane machines. You know, the ones where you have a huge bin of prizes behind a glass wall and you take a mechanical crane to pull one out, but the crane is so weak you end up spending more money just trying to get the thing out than you actually would if you bought the prize in a store (actually, I did win a stuffed Super Bowl football once on the first try...). Anyway, Zoisite had already spent a small fortune trying to win Kunzite a Sailor V doll, but since they were evil and could just conjure up money, it didn't really make a difference.

"Zoisite, can I ask you a question?" Kunzite started.

"Sure,"

"I heard about your attack on Nephrite and I know it's not the first time something like this has happened between you two. Why is there so much animosity between you two?"

Zoisite paled, knowing he would have to tell about his secret in order to answer the question. He sighed. Well actually it was one of the worst kept secrets in the Dark Kingdom. Kunzite and Queen Beryl were probably the only ones who didn't know about it. He took and breath and started talking.

"Well some years ago when I was still in the Academy, Nephrite and I were roommates."

"Really? There's such an age difference between you two."

"They wanted the whole upperclassman helps a younger student thing."

"I see."

Before I continue I should describe the place known in the Dark Kingdom as the 'Academy'. It's a place used to train cadets into potential officers. Theoretically, anyone could graduate if they were skillful, but first you had to make it out alive. Competition was fierce and random acts of violence were commonplace. There were steel bars everywhere to prevent escapes and an electric fence. The food consisted of either gray lumps with brown gravy or brown lumps in gray gravy, which is why everyone is the Dark Kingdom is so skinny (with food like that there's no chance of getting fat). Provided you could stay alive long enough to graduate, you would then be transferred to a post somewhere in the Dark Kingdom. Most people just stayed there for the rest of their unnatural lives, it was sort of a middle management thing, but a lucky (or unlucky depending on your point of view) few became Kings. Zoisite himself had only graduated three years prior to the time in this writing.

But back to Zoisite's tale. "Basically we couldn't get along at all. We divided our dorm room down the middle. It was like living in two different worlds. The real world and the Nephrite World."

Kunzite tried to picture Zoisite and Nephrite sharing the same living space for a year. Somehow, the only mental picture he got was a smoldering crater.

"Nephrite didn't like that my side of the room had flowers, fancy clothes, pro wrestling paraphernalia, tea making stuff, etc. It clashed with his 'macho image'. As for me, I didn't like how his side always smelled like a cheap bar. There were bottles everywhere of every kind of alcoholic substance imaginable. Then there was his body building equipment that cluttered up the ground. My side of the room had a refined cultured air, except for the pro wrestling stuff. His was more like a drunk, coarse, frat boy's but I digress. Of course we did anything we could to spite each other. So once after I replaced his home brewed beer with iced tea he started rummaging through my drawers and such trying to find something to frame me with. And he found out my secret."

"Which is?" Kunzite could hardly take it.

"My uh... cross dressing habit."

"That? Oh, that's nothing shocking. I thought you were going to say something like you're addicted to cough syrup, or you're really a woman, or you were once a guest on Jerry Springer. You know something shocking."

"You mean you're a cross dresser, too?"

Kunzite became super deformed. "Of course not! I'd look terrible as a woman! Most guys aren't as feminine as you and couldn't pass as well. So, Nephrite found women's clothes in your drawers and told everyone."

Zoisite grimaced. "Worse then that, he took some of my good Victoria's Secret underwear and passed it around to all the guys plus the youma. All those perverts were trying to feel me up afterwards. Of course they didn't get a chance because I took care of them with my ice crystals. But I got even with Nephrite. I got into his drawer and filled his jock straps with Ben Gay plus I put scorpions in his pants and itching powder in his shirts!"

At this point Zoisite fell into peels of uncontrollable laughter. Kunzite just shook his head. "You're just sadistic, Zoisite."

"Don't I know it? And anyway, I found out a secret about Nephrite!"

"His drinking?"

"No everyone knows about that. Well, I accidentally walked in when Nephrite was taking a shower found out that not only does he have a tattoo on his ass of a rainbow that says LOVE IS COOL, but he also wears hair extensions! So while we were in the canteen once, I yanked off his pants and his hair so exposed him in more ways then one in front of everyone!"

Both of then started laughing insanely, earning them strange looks from all the other customers. But they didn't care; they were having too much fun by themselves.

* * *

Later in the day...

Nephrite was casually sipping wine in his mansion. It was nice to have a break from the stresses of the Dark Kingdom, especially that worm Zoisite (as he thought of his enemy his injured arm began to flare up in pain). Suddenly he saw a flash of blue energy, and Kunzite appeared.

"Well, whaddya want?" Nephrite grumbled. "Your cute little student isn't here, thankfully."

"I'm not here to talk about Zoisite," Kunzite said. "Actually, I'm here to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I had a very interesting conversation with Zoisite today," Kunzite said. "He told me some fascinating things about you." After saying this, Kunzite tore Nephrite's hair extensions from his scalp.

"Yeeoouch!!!!" Nephrite screamed becoming super deformed.

"So it is true!" Kunzite said thoughtfully, looking at the hair extensions in his hand. "This will make an excellent gift for Zoisite. A real trophy."

"You give that back," Nephrite shouted.

Kunzite stuck his tongue out. "Make me!" And the two Kings ran around Nephrite's mansion playing "Tag" like this. However, Nephrite was never able to catch Kunzite.

Finally, Kunzite stopped and said to Nephrite (who was huffing and puffing as he was horribly out of shape), "I don't have time to play around with you. I'm off. Ja!" And he teleported away.

Nephrite fell to the ground and began to sob like a baby. "It's not fair!"

* * *

Kunzite teleported into Zoisite's room (uninvited, but Zoisite didn't care). He brought a gift wrapped box with him. "Here's a present Zoisite!"

Zoisite eagerly opened the box. "Oh Kunzite! It's just what I wanted! A trophy!"

He tacked up the hair extension on his wall like an animal head. The little card beneath it read, A hair specimen from Nephritus Drunkus Moronus. Zoisite went to bed, a very happy boy for getting a gift from his Kunzaito-sama. That night he dreamt that he was on a trip with his Kunzaito-sama, hunting wild Nephrites.

The End of Chapter 3 - Goto Chapter 4


Author's End Notes:

One more chapter to go! Yahoo! Can you stand the suspense (Insert villainous laughter)? I didn't think so!


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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.


This page belongs to Stayka's Dark Kingdom Home at http://www.dark-kingdom.de

© by the Great Ace Otaku - Email: otaku_ace@hotmail.com


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