How Kunzite and Zoisite Found Love in Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet
(serving Greater Tokyo and Kyoto)

Part Four/Epilogue: An Officer and a Cross Dresser


The Smashing Finale to the Fanfic of the Century

(may not be entirely true)

© 1998 by the Great Ace Otaku

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Kunzite sat around in his castle drinking some wine he'd stolen from Nephrite, television blaring in the background (Kunzite was the only person in the Dark Kingdom with a TV). God, I'm becoming like Nephrite, he thought miserably. As much as he had been trying to dodge the subject, it was as he had feared; he was in love with Zoisite. He knew the thing known as 'love' was forbidden in the Dark Kingdom and both of them could be severely tortured if Queen Beryl found out. They could be forced to watch every episode of the North American version of Sailormoon, a fate worse than death. Then Kunzite got up, a determined look on his face, waves crashing in the background, and the rising sun of Japan shining.

"Who cares? It's not like anyone ever does what Beryl says anyway! I'm going to tell Zoisite how I feel." The crowd from the baseball game Kunzite had been watching cheered a home run.

"Thank you for your support!" Kunzite sobbed.

* * *


Zoisite was having the same sort of soul searching in his room. His original plan some weeks ago was to kill Kunzite the first chance he got and assume the next highest position. Yet from the moment he had laid his eyes on Kunzite all he had wanted to do was remain his lowly student and be with him all of the time. The whole experience had also made him feel incredibly horny. It didn't help that part of Kunzite's chest was constantly exposed, which only encouraged salacious thoughts about his sensei. But the attraction wasn't just physical. Zoisite also found that Kunzite was the only person in the Dark Kingdom who cared anything about him. In fact he loved Kunzite as much as he hated Nephrite which he knew must be pretty intense.

* * *

When Zoisite went to the usual place at Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet to meet Kunzite for his training session, he was surprised to find that his sensei was nowhere to be found. A note on the place that they had designated as 'their table' read:

     Dear Zoisite, 

I will be a little late for the session.  
I have a surprise for you. 


Love?! Zoisite blushed. Did this mean what he thought it did? He wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he hoped the surprise would be good, not like last year when Nephrite sent him a picture of himself in a thong for his birthday (Zoisite visibly shuddered as he remembered the bad memory). While he waited he went over to the crane machine to try and waste the equivalent of $1000 trying to win a prize.

* * *


Kunzite was racing around Tokyo trying to find a fitting present for Zoisite to help him proclaim his undying love/lust. He was trying to find something suitable for a guy who seemed to have everything (I mean when you can conjure whatever you want up, it makes shopping rather difficult). Getting him jewelry was useless as gemstones were as plentiful in the Dark Kingdom as pebbles would be on Earth. Weaponry was also futile as physical confrontations were not Zoisite's forte and his magical abilities more than made up for it. Zoisite didn't need a car, since he could teleport and in the Dark Kingdom a car would be instantly hot wired and stolen. What could he give him? Suddenly a flash of inspiration came to him and he hurried away to the nearest plant nursery.

* * *


It was becoming late. Zoisite impatiently waited for Kunzite in Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet. As much as he loved the food, spending the whole day in a place where the concrete floor was always wet (flooded might be more towards the mark actually...). He wondered when Kunzite was going to get there. If he didn't hurry he was going to miss Monday Night Raw...

Suddenly, Kunzite burst through the hole in the wall, with a package in tow. "Zoisite!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Kunzite!" Zoisite cried.

The two ran towards each other in slow motion, like in some cheezy movie. They ran towards each other, arms ready to embrace... and ended up missing each other completely and ran into a couple of tables, massively injuring their groins. Once the pain subsided, they began to declare their feelings.

Kunzite began. Flowers appeared in the background, and really smaltzy music began to play. "I can't live without you. I only wish to be with you and only you. You fill an aching void in my pathetic empty heart. You make me whole. You are my other half. You are my better half. You are my soul mate, my life mate, and any other kind of mate I may have over looked. I want to be your protector. I want to spend my quasi-immortal life with you."

"Uh, I guess I want you to be a nice guy and promise not to shack up with anyone else and don't be an SOB." Zoisite said. The music stopped and the flowers disappeared.

Kunzite thought for a minute. "Hey, good enough for me!" To seal their love agreement they began to passionately kiss (everyone else in the restaurant began to give cat calls and wolf whistles).

"Oh goody! A floor show!" Cap'n Scruffy said, as he stroked his stuffed parrot and readjusted his pirate hat.

"Can it, pirate!" Zoisite shouted, when they had to resurface for air. Seeing that they could get no privacy in this cheap joint, they decided to go home to consummate their relationship. But before going home, Kunzite gave Zoisite his present.

"I went looking all over town for this gift. Happy Five Minute Anniversary, Zoisite!" Kunzite kissed Zoisite as he eagerly opened the package.

Zoisite's eyes widened. "Oh Kunzite, it's just what I always wanted - a Venus Flytrap!" Cap'n Scruffy's Fish n' More All You Can Eat Seafood Buffet was not a very sanitary place, there were flies everywhere. As a result the fly trap was more than full as you can imagine and wouldn't have to be fed for the next week.

Kunzite scooped Zoisite up in his arms and carried him outside. Everyone in the restaurant began to cheer. Some people, men and women alike wept. Zoisite whispered, "Kunzaito-sama, I'm your student. You're my sensei; people will talk."

With a sly grin Kunzite replied, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

"I love it when you talk dirty."

"I know you do."

And so, Kunzite and his little koibito walked happily into the sunset (well, actually it was mid afternoon, but lets not get technical) back to the Dark Kingdom. Well, actually, while Kunzite was carrying Zoisite, he tripped and Zoisite fell into an open manhole into the sewers, but that, dear reader, is an entirely different story altogether, which I'll save for another day.


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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.

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