Silver Millennium Overdrive:

The Honeymoon is Over!

© 1998 by the Great Ace Otaku


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Author's Note:

This story toys with the idea of the Senshi pairing off and getting hitched to the Four Generals/Kings during the Silver Millennium and portrays their lives together. However, don't expect any romantic stuff here.

This fanfic shows how pathetic the lives of the Senshi, the Generals/Kings, and Endymion and Princess Serenity have become since their wedding days. It also shows exactly what Zoisite and Kunzite do to get out the rut of married life *grin*

This is assuming that Beryl never attacked the Moon Kingdom and brainwashed the Generals/Kings like in the manga. This story doesn't really fit anywhere in the Sailormoon canon, it's just a figment of my twisted imagination! Oh yeah, BTW, Queen Serenity is Sailormoon, only she's grown up.

Disclaimer: This is the part where I say how I don't own any of this stuff. You obviously know all these kewl characters are owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Toei Animation, and a bunch of other people and companies that I don't remember or know of. Anyway, enjoy the fic!


Silver Millennium Overdrive: The Honeymoon is Over!

© 1998 by the Great Ace Otaku

It was a beautiful day on the Moon Kingdom during the Silver Millennium. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, the flowers were blooming - but King Endymion was loafing around inside the royal palace. Compared to how he looked in his salad days, Endymion was a wreck. He was sitting on a couch in the Great Hall of the elegant castle dressed only in boxers decorated with red roses and a dirty white T-shirt speared with crud. The King sported nasty five o'clock shadow, his hair was unkempt, had a huge beer belly, and hadn't bathed in three weeks. His dirty, smelly feet were propped up on an ottoman and his gaze was transfixed onto a rerun of Hee Haw.

His trance was momentarily broken when the door to the Great Hall opened. His wife, Queen Serenity happily greeted Endymion. "My darling Endymion!" she said. "How are you?"

"Yeah, yeah fine," he said in a hurried voice. "Francis the Mule is coming on and I *don't* want to miss him."

"How was your day?"

"Swell until you barged in here like an elephant ruining my shows, woman!"

Queen Serenity, unlike her sloppy husband, looked as elegant and beautiful as the day they were married. She was clad in flowing white robes and her long blond hair extended down to the ground. Serenity looked lovingly at her slob of a husband. Even though he spent more time with the TV than with her now and looked like crap, Serenity still loved Endymion. "Is there anything I can do for you my dearest, dearest love?"

Endymion thought for a bit. Then he grinned with his rotten brownish yellow teeth (they hadn't been brushed in ages). "Yeah. Go to the fridge and get me a beer wouldja, hon?"

His beautiful wife leaned over and kissed his dirty cheeks. "Of course my heart." Serenity quickly hurried to the fridge to fetch a beer for Endymion.

* * *

In another part of the Moon Kingdom...

Princess Rei of Mars was also sitting on the couch watching TV. Her current attire consisted of a red bathrobe and her hair was up in curlers. Princess Rei was shoveling popcorn in her mouth, watching The Jerry Springer Show, and talking on the phone all at the same time to Princess Ami of Mercury who was very distraught.

"I think my poor Zoi-chan has a secret life style just like on that Jerry Springer Show!" Princess Ami sobbed to her friend.

"Well men are scum, just like what that Ricki Lake said. What kind of secret life style is it?" Princess Rei was obviously hoping that whatever her friend's husband's secret was that it would be juicy.

"I... I... I can't say," sobbed Princess Ami. "It will be too embarrassing if it turns out to be true."

"We're best friends, Ami! You can tell *me*!"

The blue haired girl paused for a second, then said, "Ok. I...I think Zoi-chan's a cross dresser!"

"Oooh!" Princess Rei squealed. She was so excited by this piece of gossip that she nearly dropped her bowl of popcorn. "What evidence do you have?"

"The other day I caught Zoi-chan in one of my dresses! And the worst part is that he looked better in it than me!"

"I always knew Zoisite was too feminine for his own good!" Princess Rei grumbled as she shoveled a large handful of popcorn into her mouth. The other Senshi had always been suspicious about Zoisite's feminine appearance and mannerisms.

"But it gets worse!" Princess Ami moaned. "I think he may be cheating on me - with a guy!"

"You don't say!" As Princess Rei said this, her husband, Jadeite, the Royal Engineer, walked in. "If it is true maybe we can get on Jerry Springer!"

"Hi honey! I'm home!" he said cheerily.

"Shut up, Blondie!" his irate wife yelled as she momentarily ripped her mouth from the phone. "Can't you see I'm on the phone? No, not *you*, Ami. Keep going."

Jadeite looked heartbroken. "But sweet cheeks! I've had a hard day. One of my inventions blew up in my face, Nephrite threw up on one of my prototypes..."

"That's what happens when a person drinks so much 'lemonade'!" snickered his wife. "And what were you doing around that guy anyway? You know I don't like you being around Nephrite since..."

"You're not supposed to mention *that*!" Jadeite said shocked. "And anyway, I didn't meet him, he staggered into my workshop. Do you see what I have to put up with. So I'd think the least you could do is prepare a little dinner for me when I get home!"

Princess Rei sighed. "Well, I *suppose*!" She took out a still frozen TV dinner from underneath the couch and tossed it to Jadeite. "Have fun!" Princess Rei then directed her attentions back to her popcorn, Jerry Springer, and the telephone.

Jadeite tried to smile and said, "Thank you! I think..."

* * *

In yet another part of the Moon Kingdom...

Zoisite looked in the mirror. He was wearing a skimpy black dress, matching high heeled shoes and makeup. Perfect! he thought. I look great! Kunzite would definitely love this outfit. He grabbed a black purse and went out the door of his house. True, he was technically married to Princess Ami of Mercury, and technically Kunzite was married to Princess Minako of Venus but he didn't care. He loved Kunzite.

As he rushed to meet Kunzite at their appointed rendezvous place, Zoisite wondered why he had bothered to marry that strange blue haired girl anyway. His wife was always studying and never had time to do anything else. She was freaky. In fact he couldn't recall ever actually feeling attracted to her at all. Zoisite wondered if he had been drunk and/or drugged when he had gotten married.

As he ran through the silver paved streets of the Moon Kingdom, Zoisite caught sight of his silver haired lover.

"Kunzite!" he yelled. The man in question ran over to Zoisite and held him in his arms.

"You must be more discreet!" Kunzite whispered. "I don't think it would be wise to broadcast our affair to every citizen of the Moon Kingdom."

"But how much longer do we have to keep it under wraps?" whined Zoisite. "How much longer do I have to stay married to that blue haired freak?"

"Hey, do you think I like being married to an air head like Minako?" grumbled Kunzite. "What was I thinking?"

"What were we all thinking?" sighed Zoisite. The only one of the four men that was happy was Jadeite, even though his wife, Princess Rei of Mars, treated him like crap. And as for Nephrite - well it wasn't polite to mention what had happened to him.

"I have an idea," Kunzite said. "Later today we'll call and say we're working late (BTW, Kunzite is the Master Mage of the Moon Kingdom and Zoisite is the Royal Fashion Designer. Hey, what else could a guy like that do? He has great fashion sense! Just look at that dress he's wearing!) on a project we're collaborating on. Um... let's say magical armor. That's believable. While everyone thinks we're working we'll run away to Earth. By the time they realize we're gone it'll be too late!"

"You're so brilliant, Kunzite!" Zoisite sighed dreamily. He preferred to let Kunzite do all the thinking.

Kunzite grinned and took Zoisite's arm. "Come on. Let's get to the restaurant now. Minako *actually* made me eat her cooking, so I'm extra hungry."

"Ooh, ok!" Zoisite squealed as he hung on Kunzite's arm.

* * *

Much, much later at the castle of Queen Serenity and King Endymion...

Queen Serenity smiled. She felt so happy. All her friends and their husbands had come to her palace for a grand dinner. Well, not quite all of them. Jadeite was the only one of the Four Kings who could make it. Kunzite and Zoisite were 'working late' (snicker) and as for Nephrite... Serenity blocked that out of her mind. In the Moon Kingdom you weren't supposed to mention 'The Nephrite Incident' as it had come to be known. She wished that Princess Makoto of Jupiter could have made it, but everyone knew what had happened to her.

Serenity stood up. "I am so glad all of you made it," she said. "I only wish that Princess Makoto could be here."

"It's such a shame, too," Princess Minako said.

"We all should have seen it coming," Princess Ami sighed.

Okay, okay. I'll stop teasing you know and tell you exactly what the 'Nephrite Incident' was. Everybody knows that Nephrite likes fine wines, right? Well, unfortunately, after his marriage, Nephrite started liking wine a little too much and became a pathetic wino. He tried to keep it in the closet for as long as he could till Zoisite caught him drinking ten bottles of cough syrup for the alcoholic content. He was exposed for what he was and kicked out of Queen Serenity's court. After that he left his wife, Princess Makoto of Jupiter, moved to a little shack near the train tracks, and supported his habit by sucking quarters out of the "Love Tester" machine in the Silver Millennium Bar, the place where he now spent most of his time. As the Princess Makoto, she turned into a crazy psycho and started stalking every man she met because she thought they looked like her 'old goshijin'.

Anyway, back to the story. "I invited Princess Makoto anyway," Queen Serenity said.

"Would you shut up with the small talk already!" King Endymion yelled. He was watching a portable TV. "I am trying to watch Charlie's Angels and this is the episode where 'Jaclyn' reveals part of her tit!"

"But I'm the queen, honey," Serenity was trying her best to be polite. "I have to do this."

"Well, finish it already!"

Before Queen Serenity could respond, someone knocked at the door. Not wanting to argue with her husband, she opened the door. A figure staggered a bit into the Great Hall and collapsed. Everyone gasped. It was Nephrite! Or to be more exact what was left of him.

Since Nephrite now only lived on booze and open faced peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, his once muscular body had wasted away. He never shaved so he had grown a nasty, grody looking beard with peanut butter stuck in it. His luxurious hair had all been cut off, because he sold it to wigmakers when the 'Love Tester' machine was broken temporarily to buy more booze. Nephrite wore the tattered remains of his royal court attire and had a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in one pocket.

"Look at the poor guy," Serenity sighed as she and Princess Ami pulled the unconscious man onto a couch. "Let's give him a place to stay for the night and a hot meal." She turned to Endymion, who was still watching Charlie's Angels and chugging beer. "Is that okay with you hon?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he grunted.

Since Nephrite was sleeping off his intoxication and sleeping peacefully, the others decided to engage in polite conversation. "So why aren't Zoisite and Kunzite here?" Serenity asked as she politely sipped her tea.

"Oh, they said they had to work late on a special project," Princess Minako said.

"I wonder what it is?" Princess Ami wondered (oh, if only you two knew!).

As the others talked, Jadeite tried to put his arm around Princess Rei. "Get your arm off me, ecchi!" she screamed and socked him in the jaw, which knocked him down to the ground.

Jadeite looked bewildered. "How can you call me that?" he whimpered. "We're married!"

"So?"

The blond man just sighed and rubbed his jaw as he sat on the ground.

* * *

Just outside the palace grounds...

Zoisite and Kunzite had both had a great time - too great a time in fact. They were both piss drunk. They staggered into the gardens of the palace and sat down on a bench to stare at the Earth.

"The Earth is beautiful this time of year, isn't it Kunzy?" Zoisite slurred.

"Yeah, but that's not what I'm interested in right now," Kunzite smiled at Zoisite and started fumbling with Zoisite's dress and passionately kissing him.

"Has anyone ever told you how hot you are?" Kunzite said in between kisses.

"Oh yes, yes, yes," Zoisite yelled at the top of his lungs.

Now if Kunzite and Zoisite had not been so incredibly drunk and made such a ruckus, the following events might not have happened. The two were being so noisy in their love making that it could be heard all the way in the castle. Everybody was afraid that someone was dying or something, so everyone ran outside to see what was going on. They all gasped when they made the scene. Zoisite and Kunzite were sitting (or lying I should say) on a bench in the royal gardens making out like a couple of crazed dogs in heat. Zoisite seemed to be wearing what appeared to be women's underwear while Kunzite only had on light blue boxers. Both were all over each other. When they realized that they were being watched they looked up.

"Hey!" Zoisite slurred while Kunzite bit his neck. "Can'tcha tell we're busy?"

"See, I knew you shouldn't have drugged Zoisite so he'd marry you, Ami," Serenity said. "Any guy that feminine was bound to run off with some other guy eventually!" She looked closely at the two men. "Is that lingerie you're wearing, Zoisite?"

"Yeah!" he said proudly. He staggered to his feet. "Don't I look hot?" he said and struck a pose. I'd rather not describe what they saw. Let's just say it was *quite* obvious that Zoisite was male O.K.? Kunzite, irritated that so many people might be looking at Zoisite in a lecherous manner, pulled Zoisite into his arms.

"Zoi-chan! How could you?" Princess Ami cried.

"Kunzy-chan!" Princess Minako cried out in a pained voice.

"Kewl!" King Endymion and Princess Rei yelled simultaneously. Immediately both of them took out camcorders and started videotaping the couple. "I'll finally be able to win the grand prize in The Moon Kingdom's Most Tasteless Home Videos!" Endymion said.

"Not if I do get it first!" Princess Rei said as she went in for a close up of Zoisite and Kunzite.

Kunzite looked out of the corner of his eye. "Isn't a guy entitled to his privacy!" he asked in an annoyed voice. He punched the cameras then focused his attentions back to Zoisite.

Some of the glass from the lenses got in Endymion's eye. Queen Serenity rushed to his side. "Endymion!" she cried.

"Leave me alone, woman!" he yelled as he pushed Serenity out of the way angrily. "And by the way, Ami! You must be pathetic to have drugged a gay man to marry you!" Through her tears Princess Ami just stuck her tongue out and gave him the bird.

Princess Rei pushed Serenity out of the way. "Are you O.K., your Majesty?" she asked. They looked deep into each others eyes.

"You're beautiful!" Endymion said. "And you're just as much a voyeur as I am!"

"My thoughts exactly!" the dark haired girl said. They began to make out, too.

"Endymion!" Serenity cried.

"Snuggle bunny!" Jadeite cried. "You're leaving me after everything I've done for you! I remembered our anniversary every year, not to mention your birthday! I gave you everything you wanted and now..." He sat down and began to cry.

"Oh shut up, Blondie!" Princess Rei hissed and then continued to make out with Endymion.

"I don't believe it!" Princess Ami sobbed. "My husband left me for Minako's husband, Endymion left Serenity for Rei, what next?"

Suddenly, Nephrite staggered from the palace into the garden where everyone else was. He had blacked out and wasn't sure where he was. Nephrite scratched his head and took a swig from his Jack Daniels bottle. Then another figure ran into the gardens. She was a tall, beautiful woman, with chestnut hair in a pony tail. She had a psychotic look in her eye and her clothes were very dirty.

"It's Princess Makoto!" Princess Minako cried. "And she's a total psycho! More so than usual."

The woman ran up to Nephrite and tried to hug the pathetic man. "Finally!" she cried. "I've finally found you! My old goshijin!"

Nephrite looked confused. He didn't remember who Princess Makoto was since all the drinking had affected his memory. "I'm not your goshijin!" he cried. "I've got a girlfriend!"

Right on cue, another woman appeared. She had light shoulder length red hair and seemed to be wearing very tight clothes. She ran up to Nephrite, knocked Makoto out of his arms and jumped into them herself. "Go home slut! I'm Neffy's girl now!"

"Darling!" Princess Makoto said in a pained voice. "Why have you left me for this... this... painted woman!"

"Naru-chan has a job at the Butt Hutt strip club," he explained. "Her employee discount gets me all the booze I want. Plus she's so darn cute!" he smiled at Naru-chan. She smiled back.

"Oh no you don't!" The princess of Jupiter punched Naru really hard in the jaw.

"Don't hit my beloved!" Nephrite said. Princess Makoto punched him in the stomach and he fell to the ground.

"You can't hit me!" Naru said in a snotty voice.

"Why not?" snarled the Princess of Jupiter.

"Because I'm carrying his child!" Naru seemed very proud of herself.

"You slut!" Princess Jupiter yelled as she tried to hit Naru.

"Ha! You're just saying that because you can't satisfy your man!"

"You lying tramp!"

"Frigid bitch!"

A huge cat fight started. Endymion and Princess Rei stopped making out and grabbed Rei's camera, which was relatively undamaged from when Kunzite punched it and began to videotape the fight. "Wow! Now we have two chances to win lovebug!" shouted Endymion to his new beloved.

"We'll spend all the money on a big screen TV, Tiger!" Princess Rei cooed.

"I love a good cat fight!" Endymion sighed.

"Me, too," the Princess of Mars agreed. "Ooh! Kick her to the curb girlfriend!" she yelled as Princess Makoto pulled out a fistful of Naru's hair.

Queen Serenity looked around desperately. Everything seemed to be going wrong. What had planned to be a nice dinner party had turned into a free for all. Her husband had run off with the Princess of Mars. Princess Ami and Princess Minako's husbands had run off with each other and were now humping loudly on a bench in her garden. Princess Makoto and Naru were fighting over a very drunken Nephrite (and her ex-husband and the home wrecking Princess Rei were videotaping it). Serenity sighed.

"What am I going to do, Jadeite?" who had by this time stopped crying.

"I don't know," he said miserably. Jadeite looked at Serenity. "Say wanna go out to dinner? I mean you are free now."

"O.K.!" Serenity quickly forgot about Endymion and went off with Jadeite to dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town.

Now Princess Ami and Minako were alone with the humpers, the voyeurs, and the cat fighters. "What do we do now?" Princess Minako asked her friend. "We're the only ones who aren't humping or fighting."

"Well we could always start making out..." Princess Ami began.

"Eww! Get you're mind out of the gutter!"

"But this is a fanfic! Sexual preferences can change at any moment!" the blue haired girl pointed out.

"That maybe true but I don't want to do it with you."

"But we have to do something!"

Princess Minako thought for awhile. "I know! Let's take bets!"

"Good idea!" Princess Ami agreed. "Profit off others' misery!"

Suddenly a large group of people arrived out of nowhere to look at the fight, the making out, and to place bets.

"O.K., people! Don't be shy! Line up for a piece of the action!"

"Yeah! There's a 100 to 1 chance Princess Makoto will win! Place all bets here!"

"Who says Kunzite and Zoisite will be at it for another hour? Place all bets here!"

* * *

Epilogue

Zoisite and Kunzite both went to Earth like they planned so they could live together as lovers in relative peace and quiet. Kunzite continued his experiments in the magical arts and became quite well known throughout the Solar System as a Master Mage. Zoisite became a famous fashion designer and his Zoi-boy label become famous as the first clothing line to cater to the androgynous male.

Queen Serenity and Jadeite eventually got married and ruled the Moon Kingdom together. King Jadeite made quite a good ruler, husband and father and Serenity wondered why she had ever stayed with Endymion as long as she did.

Endymion and Rei moved to a dingy apartment where they spend all their time watching TV on their big screen TV that they bought with the money that they won from The Moon Kingdom's Most Tasteless Home Videos (together Endymion and Rei won first prize from this program a total of 20 times). Actually going around video taping people was the only way they earned money since they both were too lazy to get real jobs.

Nephrite and Naru continued to live in their little depleted shack by the railroad tracks. Naru happily stripped to pay their bills and Nephrite happily spent all their money drinking booze. They eventually had 20 kids together.

Princess Makoto eventually forgot about her old goshijin and became a lady mud wrestler. She soon became the most famous mud wrestler in the entire Solar System and became very, very rich and opened her own mud wrestling school on her home planet of Jupiter.

And last, but certainly not least, Princess Ami and Princess Minako quit the public life as princesses and became bookies. When they had enough money they opened the famous Silver Millennium Casino and Theme Park on Venus with the world famous Senshi Girls showgirl revue. Both Ami and Minako lived happily ever after, preying on the vices of others.

- Fin -


Author's Endnotes:

Well that's the end! Comments, death threats, critisms, and blackmail letters can be sent to otaku_ace@hotmail.com. Until next time, Bye!


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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.


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