A Royal Trouncing - Part 4

© 1998 by Cresent Star



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Note: this is based off something else I read. It's called Mystery Science Theatre. Don't sue...


Zoisite was in the kitchen, unfortunately. Kunzite groans. Now he had to suffer another of Zoisite's culinary 'experiments'...

Z: Look what I made, dear...!
K: <stifles another groan, then tries to look cheerful> Hm... what is it?

The thing in the casserole dish was brown (because it was burnt) and bubbling and looked as if it would attack him at any moment. This is the expression on Kunzite's face : o_0 '

Z: It's supposed to be... <looks frantically for the cookbook> Uh, the name doesn't matter, so long as you appreciate it!
K: Uh, oh...
Z: What's that supposed to mean?!
K: Uh, oh, it looks so good I wonder if there's enough... <looks sick>

<Ding Dong!>

K: Hey! What was that? Sounded like the bell! You sit down, Zoey dear and I'll go answer it! Bye!
Z: But you haven't tried my -

Kunzite returns, hugging a small package as if it had just saved his life (which it undoubtedly had...).

K: Look, part four of that nut fic we've been uh, praising...
Z: <momentarily forgetting his cooking> Why, the author actually managed to come up with part four? Surprise surprise...
K: <seeing that Zoisite is off his cooking> Why don't we do this now? I'm not really hungry at the moment...
Z: <pouts> Oh, well, I suppose so...
K: Okay! Let's get on with it...!


The Venusian Masquerade

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, 1992. You can't sue me based on an email address anyway...I think.

Z: Oh yeah?

Note: Relationships become even more complicated here, so bear with me!

K: Last time we saw, relationships were complicated enough, thank you very much...


Chapter 4

Z: Wow, she really got up to chapter four... Too bad it's all crap anyway.

Cold. So terribly cold.

K: Dumb. So terribly dumb.

The numbness was felt through her entire being. She was vaguely aware of a figure bending over her in concern, but nothing more was seen through her thick lashes.

The figure was familiar enough. Who was it? Dark brown hair, sparkling green eyes clouded with

Z: Hearts, knowing Makoto.
K: <gasp> Would that mean...?

worry and anxiety. She struggled to recall the name.

Z: Prince Endymion?
K: Nah... Prince *Darien* <snicker>

"Ma...ko...to.." a whisper, but it took great effort to get out.

"Marianna, thank god you're all right!"

Z: But inside, Makoto was disappointed. She wasn't going to get Marianna's baseball cards after all...

the excited cry pierced the fuzziness eclipsing her mind. The images swam and she slipped back thankfully into darkness.

K: Um, isn't that an abrupt way of joining the Dark Kingdom?
Z: Which hasn't even been mentioned yet...

Makoto bit her lip. This was all her fault. Had she not let herself be charmed away by Oliveiro this would not have happened

K: Yeah! This is all your fault!

- she would have found Marianna in time before she... Yet, a tiny voice at the back of her mind disagreed entirely. How was she to have known? It was perfectly normal to follow her female instincts. Perfectly normal to drown in Oliveiro's infinite pale blue eyes...

Z: I think I'll puke if the author goes on about Nephrite's looks.

She shook herself. How could she still be dreaming of her forbidden love when her friend lay so still, so near? She felt utterly disgusted and disappointed with herself. How she actually hoped that he would draw her in his arms to kiss her long and sweet.

Z: And then after the foreplay...
K: Zoisite! Ah, I'll just say what I have to say. That was a bit disjointed... and by the way... eeew!

She would never have forgiven herself if she had indeed permitted that to happen. Half of her detested him and herself for this, the other half yearned for a more passionate repetition of the night before.

Z: You see?
K: <sweatdrop> No, I don't want to see.

She stood up to leave, casting one last guilty look at Marianna's pale face before shutting the door gently

Z: with a slam.

However gentle it was, one could still feel the frustration and pent up emotions within her.

K: Wow, you can tell all that just by how she closed the door?

* * *

Endymion growled. He'd make Domenico pay for humiliating him the way he did!

Z: You were the one stupid enough to kneel down!
K: Baka.

He flicked the rose in annoyance into the basin of the water fountain.

K: And was fined for littering in the Royal gardens...

"Why so angry, my Lord?"

Z(as Endy): Why the @#$^$% shouldn't I be angry? My favourite basketball team just lost!

He turned at the sound of the voice. "Ah, Beryl, it's you."

K: <dully> Ah, Beryl...

he smiled at the red haired young woman, his dark mood lifting. He gave a short mirthless laugh

Z: Like a hyena.

"It would appear that the Prince and Princess of Mars are challenging my power."She was his attendant, true, but he had always treated her as more of a...'friend'.

K: I don't like the way the author has put open inverted commas around the word 'friend'.
Z: Me neither...

He looked at her appreciatively.

K: Oh boy...
Z: Double time...

Today her dark beauty was captured in a deep purple dress that was low cut,

Z: Exposing how much of her cleavage to our little prince?
K: Be careful... he's underaged you know... <snicker>

with the skirt more or less modestly at her calves.

K: Which if you think about it wasn't considered so modest during those times.

"So, Endymion, what have you done to provoke the other party this time?" her rich sultry voice like black velvet.

Z: That was being choked on by a cat.

Normally, when people showed him such disrespect, he would have proposed a 'settlement'... with blades.

K: Ah, Endymion reveals his true identity as a member of the Underworld.

But Beryl was different. No matter what she said or did, he would not do as much as to return a word in anger. He moved closer to encircle her in his arms. "Mmm..." he murmured, "Why must you always assume that it is I who is wrong?

Z: <gag>, <gag>, <gag>
K: <patting him on the back lightly> Don't worry dear, it's going to get a lot worse...

Beryl batted his arms away, but gave him a teasing giggle. "Queen Serenity and her daughter would not be pleased to see us like this. After all, you are engaged."

K: !!! He's engaged? Now this is wrong...
Z: This whole fic is wrong.

Endymion sighed. "It is only to soothe the relations between the Moon and the Earth, it doesn't mean that I really have to love her. Besides you still have not answered me, why do you think I'm always the one in the wrong?"

Z: I don't see why since we can blame anything from homework to El Niño on you.

*He's trying to change the subject.*

K: Like, duh!

"That's because you're so childish for your twenty one years." she said seriously. He laughed again and pulled her closer in a kiss.

Z: Auuuuuuuughghghg! <faints>
K: Honey? Are you okay...? <sprinkles cold water on his face to revive him.>

Makoto, who had been watching from behind a few shrubs, covered her mouth to stifle a gasp.

K: That's only half of it. Zoisite... are you sure you're all right?
Z: Yeah... fine...

She had wanted to look Endymion up to tell him off, but now... It seemed that Oliveiro wasn't the only playboy in the palace after all.

K: Yup, you probably don't know this, but Playboy magazine's biggest source of income comes from these fellows...

She turned, muttering that she hadn't seen anything at all. She was still muttering when she had entered the hall.

Z: <who is feeling better> Mutter, mutter, mutter, Ranma is a baka...

Ami, who had just stepped out of the palace library, offered her a friendly smile, one that she was too preoccupied to return.

K(as Ami): Fine, be that way!

She hurried past her without so much as a glance.

The dark blue haired girl shrank back a little inside. Makoto's cold reaction had stung. She was only trying to be sociable...but she had been ready for it. It was so difficult being alone. Having the position of a princess isolated her even more.

Z: It's Ami as Fantegero!
K: That's not the way her name is spelt, Zoisite.
Z: So? Cave of the Golden Rose sucked anyway...

It was often that she saw this tall brunette. She liked her and her friend and wanted their companionship.

K: Yeah... in bed...

But they would shy away from her if they discovered her social status. That was inevitable. And seeing their personalities... They would just dislike her because she always seemed to have her nose stuck in a book.

Z: Ouch... How are you supposed to breathe?

Slowly, she returned to the library. She wanted to lose herself in her books as she always had before when situations as such arose.

K: And now we take a closer look at Ami's psychological problems.
Z: How she would go around the palace at night without knowing it, stealing the lingerie of innocent young women...
K: Zoisite, remember how you whacked me with that mallet? <brandishes one over his head.>
Z: Go ahead.. I dare you...
K: Okay dear, calm, down...don't be mad...<throws mallet away>

* * *

In some dark forgotten part of the palace, evil pulsed.

Z: to the beat of 'Saturday Night Fever'!

The blood red light swelled, then transformed itself into a grotesque female youma.

K: Would you have really expected a ravishing beauty?

Insect eyes and arachnid legs added to it's twisted form.

Z: Must have made it pretty damn difficult to walk.

*Find Queen Serenity...* the sinister telepathic voice breathed. *Find Queen Serenity... and kill her...*

K: Boy, that was subtle.

"I hear and obey," hissed the insect.

*Then you shall be handsomely rewarded...*

Z: *Sigh* where's the plain satisfaction in doing a job nowadays?

The youma grinned, fanged and vicious, then assumed the identity of an innocent palace servant.

K: Ooh! Assimilation!

It pushed the door of the cellar open and stepped out into the light.

Z: <hiss! hiss!> The light! The light! I'm melting!

* * *

Oliveiro stopped, a smile spreading on his face. Makoto - just the person he was looking for. But there was a scowl on her normally cheery features.

Z: Better watch out Neffy.. could be that time of the month.
K: Yeah, better not get on women's cases during that time...

"Hello Mako -"

He heard a loud crack, then felt the pain. He stepped back, his cheek stinging from the slap that Makoto had given him.

Z and K: See? You should really learn to accept advice.

*What a strong arm*, he thought.

Z: We are talking about a karate black belt here! Of course she has a strong arm!

"What was that for, Mako-chan?"

"You should know. And you have no right to call me 'Mako-chan'," she said in a low growl. "Or rather, " she added with a small sneer, "I do not have the honour of being addressed by you like that." She spun her heel and walked off in the opposite direction.

*What did I do?* he wondered.

K: Women, huh?
Z: That's why I prefer you...
K: That's really, uh, sweet, Zoi-chan...

* * *

Rei sat solemnly before the fire,

Z: But she was actually reading her Tenchi Muyou! manga.

clad in her priestess robes of red and white. The flames shifted continuously, showing her glimpses of the future. They contorted suddenly, the erratic orange tongues nearly licking the ceiling.

K: And they did, making the little room catch fire...
Z: You know how these little paper houses are...

Domenico moved to sit aside her, dressed in similar blue and white robes. He sensed something amiss. "Dear... what is it?"

K(as Rei): I'm getting some bad vibes from that little stuffed rabbit over there...

She kept her eyes on the fire, "It's very... I don't know how to describe it..."

Z: Then don't.

An even more startling transformation took over the fire. The colours of the flames changed from orange, to red, to blue, to green.

K (as science teacher): And here we have what is called a strike back in the Bunsen Burner...

Rei pulled away, gasping. "To.. Queen Serenity's chambers, quick! Something evil is going to happen...!"

Z: Is that so..?

He gave her a disbelieving look for a moment, then decided that she was serious.

K: He doesn't trust his fiancee? What kind of a husband is he going to make?
Z: I think I'm going to have to have a talk with Jadeite later...

"What is going on?"

"I'll explain when we get there!"

K(as Domenico): No! I don't wanna go! Waaaaah!

* * *

The creature stopped for a moment outside Queen Serenity's room. She was slightly hesitant now, as she could feel the power the Emperium Silver Crystal generated.

Z: The Silver Crystal? Where? Where? <looks embarrassed> Oops, false alarm.

*What are you waiting for?

K: I'm waiting for Christmas, okay?!

Go!*

The youma frowned, torn between loyalty to her Queen and the desire to survive.

Z: It doesn't pay to be loyal. *sigh*.

She breathed in deeply and rapped on the door three times.

K(as Queen Serenity): Whatever it is you're selling, we don't want any!

"Enter."

Timidly, the youma did as she was told. Her eyes came to rest upon a sweet faced woman with pale lavender hair flowing at her sides. "I, uh, brought your fresh sheets..." the youma mumbled lamely. She just realized she had nothing with her, not even a rag.

Z: !!
K: !!! - Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear... not even a... rag?
Z: This should be rated PG 17...

The queen raised her eyebrows. "Well, where are they, then?"

The youma flinched at her mistake. *Fool.*

K: Uh, huh.

"I'll go get them... in a moment..." Dark mists started to swirl about her. "But first..."

Z: and the youma starts to zip around, giving the people in the room wedgies like the Mask.

the youma dove for the Crescent Wand seconds before Serenity reaching for it. It burned her hands, making her shriek. She tossed it to the other side of the room. It slid across the floor and rested under the bed.

K: So much for the Crescent Wand.

"No matter," she growled.

Z: Not to us anyway.

* * *

"An assassination attempt on Queen Serenity?!"

K: What? Didn't you hear right the last five hundred times I told you?

"Yes! Hurry!" Rei skidded to a halt outside the door. She threw it open in time to see the youma's sharp claws poised above Serenity's neck, ready to strike.

Z: Oh, boy, a cliff hanger... how exciting... not...

The End of Chapter 3

K: Let's see if she can actually come out with part 5...
Z: Now, how about trying out my cooking? <holds out offending...thing>
K: Uh, why don't you go warm it up first? I'm sure it's stone cold by now...

True enough, the thing has stopped bubbling viciously, but it is still keeping up it's resolution in trying to attack him.

Z: <doubtfully> All right...

The End of Part 4 - Goto Part 5


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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.


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