Sailor Silver Moon

Part 3

© 2001 by Lady Emma

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Author's Note:

At this point, I would like to abandon all pretense of this being a straight fanfic. It's just... a really crappy funfic. Thank you.

"Hi, my name's Ami. What's your name?" she asked in English.

The red-haired girl in the leather jacket glanced up from the novel she was reading and smiled easily. "Hi, Ami," she answered in halted Japanese. "Speak Japanese, please. I need to practice."

"All right," Ami answered her in the same language. "What's your name?"

"Charlotte Cassidy Fines. I would like you to call me Cassidy, please."

"All right, Cassidy. How are you finding Ms. Lusitania's Calculus class so far?"

"The math is not hard very. The class all in Japanese is hard to me." Cassidy made a face in frustration. "Oh, screw this!" she exclaimed in English. "You probably speak English better than I speak Japanese, so let's just talk English, shall we?"

Ami giggled. "Fine by me." At that moment, the bell rang. As Ami and Cassidy gathered up their belongings, Ami remarked to Cassidy, "Does it seem to you that whenever the author has run out of things for her characters to say, the bell rings?"

Cassidy nodded. "I think it means she's a really crappy writer."

Ami nodded thoughtfully. "That makes sense. Hey, I'm meeting some friends after school. Would you like to join us at the ice cream shop?"

"Sure. Who's driving?"

Ami shrugged. "None of us have cars."

"I'll be happy to volunteer my wheels. How many people are coming?"

"There are five of us."

"It'll be a tight fit, but I can do that."

* * *

"Turn down the radio!" shrieked Rei in Japanese.

"What?" shouted Cassidy.

"'Turn down the radio!'" translated Ami.

"I can't hear you!" answered Cassidy.

"Don't make her turn it down, Rei!" shouted Usagi.

"Yeah, this is kinda fun!" agreed Mina, also shouting above the noise.

"Woo, what a hunk!" exclaimed Makoto, checking out one of the passers-by.

"Where is this place, anyway?" shouted Cassidy.

"Right over there!" shouted Ami.

"And there's Mamoru!" shrieked Usagi eagerly. She leapt out of the car as it pulled into a parking space and tackled Mamoru. "Mamoru! I'm so glad to see you!"

Cassidy parked the car and turned off the engine. All the girls shook their heads, not sure if they could really hear again.

"Hey!" exclaimed Mako, "Isn't that Haruka and Michiru?"

The two older girls waved to the group, then came over to them. "Hi, guys," said Haruka.

"Isn't it kind of unusual to meet you all here?" said Michiru, smiling.

Rei nodded ominously. "It really must be a new season."

"New season?" exclaimed Mamoru. Haruka came at him with a flying kick.

"Thanks, Haruka," said Usagi as she pulled the unconscious Mamoru onto a bench.

"Usagi, who is she?" whispered Haruka, indicating Cassidy with a jerk of her head.

"We think she might be that phony Sailor Moon we saw on the news."

The two of them walked back over to the rest of the group, who were standing in front of the parlor, talking. "So if you two are here," Ami was saying, "then where are Setsuna and Hotaru?"

"Right here, Ami," said Setsuna, Haruka in tow. Both of them had just exited the ice cream parlor and were holding ice cream cones.

Makoto smiled. "Well, the gang's all here."

"What's going on?" asked Cassidy.

Everyone turned and stared at her. "Oh yeah..." murmured Rei. "Well... erm... we're all part of a club, see, and... every once in a while, we all get together and... have ice cream!" she finished triumphantly.

"And now everyone's here, except..." Ami trailed off, a look of completely horror spreading across her face.

"Oh no..." muttered Minako.


"IT'S HER!" screamed Usagi. "RUN!!!"

Makoto grabbed up the still unconscious Mamoru and flung him over her shoulder, running as fast as she could. Haruka grabbed Michiru by the hand and pulled her a long. Usagi ran, pigtails flying, and Minako was somewhere there doing something unimportant. Setsuna and Hotaru dropped their ice cream and ran as well. Cassidy looked back to the source of the panic and said, "What? She's just a little girl!"

Rei stopped running for a moment. "Just a little girl my foot! She's eeevilll, I tell you! RUN!"

Cassidy raised an eyebrow. "Um, guys? Why don't we just take my car?"

Everyone stopped in their tracks. They turned around as one and as if on signal they all jumped into Cassidy's convertible. Cassidy sighed and jumped in the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition. They blew out of there as fast as Cassidy's car could go.

Several feet back, a pink-haired, red-eyed, eeevilll spore ran as fast as her stubby little legs could carry her. "Wait! Mamoru!" she cried out. When she realized she would not be able to catch them, her eyes glowed bright red and her head started to spin around.

Kunzite, witnessing these events, stood atop a near building. "This is too easy," he said, and pulled out a water gun filled with water mixed with antacid.

He took aim and, in one shot, soiled the spore with the liquid.

The spore looked down at her little sailor suit. "What's this?" she cackled. The areas that had been soaked began to smoke. "I'm melting!" she exclaimed. "Oh, what a world, what a world. Oh, my beautiful sweetness!"

She continued to melt down to nothing. All that was left was a pink smudge on the streets of Tokyo.

Somewhere out in cyberspace, a website declared it a national holiday.

Kunzite smiled. "That really was easy." He opened a portal and was gone.

* * *

"I think we've lost her," said Cassidy, checking her rearview mirror. She pulled to a stop along the curb by the arcade. "Now tell me, who was--"

She was cut off by a scream coming from the arcade. "Uh-oh," said Makoto, "Looks like someone's attacking Motoki again."

"Again?" sighed Rei.

"Again," said Ami.

All of the scouts turned to look at Cassidy. "Um, I just remembered that I forgot to study for a test," said Ami.

"I've got to go check out a new cookbook from the library," said Makoto.

"I need to get back to the temple," said Rei.

"Um... I'm hungry," said Usagi.

"We've got to go... do something," said Haruka, pulling Michiru out of the car.

"Hotaru and I need to go figure out a way to explain why she's not a baby anymore," said Setsuna.

"I've got to go," said Minako.

They all left at once. Cassidy looked around, shrugged, and got out as well, ducking into the alleyway behind the arcade.

Mamoru lay in the car forgotten. "Uhnfthm..." he grumbled.

* * *

"Hold it right there, NegaCreep!" exclaimed Sailor Moon. "I won't have you pushing around the customers of this arcade anymore. Besides, I think Motoki's getting kinda mad. So in the name of the moon..."

"In the name of Mars..."

"In the name of Jupiter..."

"In the name of Mercury..."

"In the name of V--"

"In the name of Uranus..."

"In the name of Neptune..."

"In the name of Saturn..."

"In the name of Pluto..."


The little youma looked around at the nine senshi surrounding him. "Oh, come on," he said, rolling his eyes. "Does it really take nine of you to defeat me? God, I'm so weak it would only take one of you. A shabon spray might even finish me, for Pete's sake."

The senshi looked at each other. This was not normal youma behavior.

"Well..." began Sailor Moon, but fell silent. She turned back to the other senshi. "What am I supposed to do?" she whispered.

They all shrugged at her.

"You wanna just, go home or something?" she asked the youma.

The youma shook his head. "Nah. Go ahead and kill me, that's your job."

"Okay," said Sailor Moon. "MOON--"

"Stop, creature of evil," said another Sailor Moon. "I will not have you terrorizing the patrons of this establishment. Either--" she fell silent. "Who are you?" she asked Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon frowned. "I'm Sailor Moon."

Sailor Moon pushed a red lock of hair behind her ear. "I thought I was Sailor Moon."

The little youma looked from Sailor Moon to Sailor Moon. "Well, somebody kill me, already."

Sailor Moon raised an eyebrow at Sailor Moon and her eight other senshi as if to say, "Is this guy for real?" The other senshi shrugged.

At that moment, eight more youma leapt from out behind game consoles. "Ah," said the little youma, "about time. You see," he said, turning to the senshi, "Nobody cares about little old me. Here I was, about to be slaughtered, and these guys show up late. I get no respect."

"Quiet, fool," said one of the big youma and smacked the little youma across the face, sending him flying across the room.

"Now," said the same big youma, "We are going to kill you weak senshi. Because that is what we do."

He hurled a big pink heart at Sailor Venus, knocking her over. Another youma flung stars about the room, hitting Sailors Mars and Jupiter in the arms. Another youma assailed the senshi with horseshoes. Yet another attacked the senshi with clovers. Another still came after the girls with large blue moons. The sixth youma attacked with large objects which seemed to be pots of gold. The last two attacked with what appeared to be rainbows and red balloons, respectively.

The girls counterattacked. "Jupiter Oak Evolution!"

"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!"

"Mars Flame Sniper!"


"Neptune Deep Submerge!"

"Uranus World Shaking!"

"Moon Silver Silence!"

"Oooh, nice one, Sailor Moon."

"I'm Sailor Moon! Not her!"

"Well, what else am I supposed to call her?"

"I don't know!"


" Moon Gorgeous Meditation!"


"Watch it!"

"Watch out for that big one, Uranus!"

"Where did Saturn go?"

"She's over there under that big one."

"That's gonna leave a mark!"

"Where's Tuxedo Kamen? We need help!"

"I think he's still unconscious in the car!"


The situation looked grim. Sailor Saturn was knocked out and was lying on the floor. Pluto and Jupiter had suffered serious damage and were leaning against a few game consoles. Uranus and Neptune were clinging to each other in the corner, apparently having sustained equal damage. Mars was staggering around in circles murmuring, "...they're magically delicious..." Sailor Mercury was trying to contact 911 on her computer. Sailor Moon was sitting on the floor crying and Sailor Moon kept clearing her throat and tapping her foot as if waiting for something.

The red balloon Youma was hovering above the crying Sailor Moon and was obviously about to finish her off...

...when a dramatic guitar riff came out of nowhere and something went flying through the air, slicing...

...the youma's head right off? Sailor Moon stopped crying for a moment to pick up the weapon. It wasn't a rose, but a little silver razordisk.

All the conscious Sailors looked up to where Tuxedo Kamen was hovering in mid-air.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" exclaimed the Sailor Moon on the floor, in a 'I'm so grateful, you saved my life, I love you' kind of way.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" exclaimed the other Sailor Moon, in a 'it's about time you got your lazy butt down here, where have you been' kind of way.

"How is he hovering in mid-air in the low-ceilinged arcade?" asked Mercury.

"Shh, you're spoiling the mood," chided Jupiter.

Tuxedo Kamen (?) jumped down from nowhere and stood between the four remaining Youma and the girls. He reached inside his cape and

"Oh goody, the cane!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.

pulled out a fencing-style sword. "All right, you monsters," he said in a definitely un-Mamoru voice, "Let's go. You and me."

Sailor Moon started to cry again. "That's not my Tuxedo Kamen!" she bawled.

The other Sailor Moon kicked her in the side. "Would you be quiet? You're not helping."

Tuxedo Kamen proceeded to kick serious Youma butt. He killed three of the Youma with his sword and razordisks and the 'other' Sailor Moon finished off the last one with her "moon silver silence" attack.

Having done this, they disappeared.

Sailor Moon continued to cry. "How come no one ever wants to stay and talk?"

The rest of the Sailors crowded around her. "Hey," said Jupiter, "Has anyone noticed that we're now completely healed, like nothing ever happened?"

They all shrugged at her. Apparently it wasn't important.

* * *

"We weren't even in this part!"

"I was."

"But I wasn't!"

"Hush, my pet. I'm sure we'll be in the next one."

"But I'm bored."

"I'm sorry."


"This is really boring."



"Want to go find that hentai writer?"

"All right."

The End of Part 3 - Goto Part 43 1/2

Author's End Notes:

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Disclaimer: Sailormoon is the property of Takeuchi Naoko, Kodansha and Toei Animation. All characters, settings etc. are used without permission. This is an amateur fiction, and I definitely won't make any money of it.

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