Waiting for You

© 2000 by EnsignZoi


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Author's Note:

After a somewhat long writing slump, I was reading a bunch of contemplative fics. And this is the result. My first contemplative fic. Okay, so anyways, this is from Zoisite's point of view, and picks up at his death scene.

Disclaimer: All of these characters from Sailor Moon belong to Naoko Takeuchi, etc, etc.


Waiting for You

© 2000 by EnsignZoi

As I look into my love's pale, worried eyes one last time, I feel my body returning to the state of magic from which it was made. And I think, 'Farewell, Kunzite-sama, my love.' I am ready to be sent to whatever hell I deserve, for my evil, for which I realize only now that a price must be paid. Or so I thought for a fraction of an instant as I prepared myself for my idea of what must surely come after death.

Suddenly, I find myself no longer in my body. I am simply a watcher, looking on as my body is reduced to sakura petals. It is peculiar, watching one's own death. Almost surreal. I feel powerless to do anything except watch. For that's all I can do.

And then it strikes me. I am dead. And yet, here I am, watching my Kunzite-sama, instead of suffering in the hell I know I must deserve. I do not understand why I am still here, why Fate and Judgment have passed over me, but I am content to watch over my Kunzite-sama. Watching. And waiting.

I said I was content. But I am not. Not really. Not when Kunzite-sama is living through his own personal hell. I can see it in his eyes. He feels responsible for my death.

He feels guilty. I want to tell him that everything is all right, that I am here. I want to put my arms around him and comfort him. But I can't. I can only watch.

I follow him through the days, going wherever he goes. I love him. And I hate Endymion. And Beryl. I hate the Dark Kingdom. They all make Kunzite-sama's life a living hell. I hate the senshi. Silly girls. Were it not for them, Kunzite-sama could have been successful. I could find out their true identities now, if I wanted to. But I don't.

Nothing matters now. Nothing except Kunzite-sama.

I can see that my death has affected him. I know he thinks of me. He murmurs my name in his sleep, and I can only wonder what he is dreaming. I want him to be at peace, even to lay down my memory if it would mean his well-being and give him peace of mind. But he doesn't. And a part of me, selfishly, is glad. He never told me he loved me, never spoke those three words that humans place so much value on. But it didn't matter. I knew he did. And now I can see it plainly, his love for me. How he constantly looks at our picture to give him strength to go on living. How the quality of his plans become worse and worse after my death. Each time, success cruelly rejects him. Why?

I can think of no one more deserving of success than him, for he has worked hard for that self-serving queen of damnation; constantly putting up with being tormented by her object of lust, the brainwashed prince; having his plans thwarted by the schoolgirls; and living his days in loneliness and despair.

I can sense what he is thinking these days. Often, his eyes have a sad, faraway look in them. Even when he looks down disdainfully at the senshi, I can see the pain.

The growing wildness. Suicidal wildness. I know he no longer cares for life. He hasn't cared since I died. He no longer has any motivation. Even his fear of Beryl has dulled, and I know he'd welcome any opportunity to die. To join me. And I whisper, though I know he cannot hear me, "I'll be waiting, my love."

Endymion has driven him to the edge. Even here in the Dark Kingdom, he cannot have a moment's peace, for Endymion will always be barging in, jeering at my Kunzite-sama, laughing at his failures when he himself has done no better.

And now I watch my Kunzite-sama as he, countenance cold and proud with emotions hidden well, faces off with the senshi. Exchanges insults. Cuts them down one by one. Only that damned Moon still stands.

Now I can see it clearly, even behind the hatred in his eyes. His desperation, his suicidal wildness. He sees this as an opportunity. The Moon girl is strong, she can do what he wants her to do. And so I watch as he throws his energy boomerang at her. In a rare moment of coordination and well-honed battle instinct, she hits it back.

Automatically, he reacts, using his cape to block the lethal weapon to prolong his life for a few moments more. And then he is hit. He calls out for me. I smile at long last, for all is coming to an end.

Do not fear, beloved, for I am here, have been here, waiting. Waiting for so long. And finally we can be together again.

His body disintegrates into magic, and I can see him, his spirit coming to mine.

"Kunzite-sama. I've been waiting." I don't know if I had tears in my eyes at that moment or not, but all I could see was him.

"Thank you, Zoisite." At that moment, I can see the love in his eyes, directed at me. He takes my hand.

With that, we go, together once more and forever, to the great beyond. What lies there for us, I do not know. But as long as Kunzite-sama is with me, and we are together, nothing can go wrong.

- The End -


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