How it should have been!

© 2000 by Els 'Cygny' Rombaut

This page was last modified: 2000/11/24


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I'm running through the woods. At first I feel somewhat scared but suddenly I feel a presence next to me. He is running at the same speed as me, but when I try to turn my head, something pushes me forward. Who is this, by my side?

Finally I see the sun breaking through the leaves. I'm there! I made it! I blink my eyes when the rays of the sun almost blind me. But now I am able to look beside me, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I am glad, but somewhat confused when I see Syd standing next to me, smiling at me. But why should I feel this way, he is my brother after all. Why shouldn't he be here, with me, laughing and having fun.

We look at the sun setting slowly on the snow covered landscape.It makes me feel so good to be able to share this with him. This feeling is so strange to me, but I don't understand why. We repeat this ritual every day, so why does it make me feel this way today? Why should today be any different?

This strange feeling lingers on, something definitely doesn't seem right to me, but I just can't seem to put my finger on it. And again those strange feelings disappear as before on the moment when Syd looks and smiles at me.

"What's wrong otooto, you look so absent today."

I shrug and smile apologetically "I'm not sure, I have this strange sensation, as if something were wrong..."

When Syd looks a bit worried, I hurry to smile broadly and pat him on the shoulder "but when you call me otooto, I know that everything is OK. You know I'm older than you and don't you even try to deny it!"

I see Syd's face clearing up and as usual when on this topic, we start arguing, which ends up in a mock fight.

The distant howl of a pack of wolves makes us realise that it's completely dark by now.

I put my arm around Syd's shoulder and say "Well, that's the sign to go home, I'm sure mom and dad will be worrying about us again." At the moment I'm pronouncing those words, I feel a sharp pain in the heart. Mom? Dad? No, it can't be! What the hell is wrong with me?

Syd doesn't notice my worries, cause he already started running and shouts at me over his shoulder "I'll race you home... otooto!"

I automatically start running after him cause this is also an everyday ritual, but this time the feeling that something is wrong, just won't go away. I only hope mom and dad will be fine. What if they went out to look for us and the crazy kid with the wolves got to them. Fear grips my heart tight and the only thought in my mind now is to get home as quickly as possible. I see the surprised look on Syd's face when I storm past him. We usually don't take this race very seriously and end up jogging home together. I hear him call out my name, but I don't stop to wait for him. I have to know if they're fine.

I don't think I ever got home this fast. I pull open the front door and storm in, calling out "Mom! Dad! Where are you?" When I hear Syd come in behind me, I turn to him with what must be a bewildered look in my eyes "I can't find them Syd, they're gone!"

He takes me by the shoulders and tries to calm me down. He slowly says "Bud! Calm down! Who can't you find?"

"Mom and dad! They're..."

When I'm interrupted by a soft woman's voice, saying "What's all the commotion about?", I almost faint with relief. I shake off Syd's hands, turn to her and run into her arms "Mom! I had this strange feeling something was wrong, and when I came home, I couldn't find you and dad, and..."

She puts a hand on my head and tousles my hair "Bud, my darling, I was in the kitchen, you didn't even give me the time to come to the hallway. But as you can see, I'm fine and so is your dad. He's working in his study." She smiles at me and the feeling I had all day, the feeling of missing something in my life disappears.

This is where I belong, here in this house, with my twin brother and my mom, and my dad, even when he's at work. This is MY house, MY family, MY life, and no-one is going to take that away from me!

"Okay children, it's getting late, I'm sending you off to bed. We have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow. Go say goodnight to your father. I'll come see you a bit later."

Syd and I smile at each other and run upstairs to our father's study. Unlike some, dad is never displeased when we disturb him. He gives us both a hug and a kiss, calls us his big boys and returns to his work when we leave.

A bit later, when we are both in bed, mom comes by and gives us our goodnight kiss, as every evening. But this time, she also whispers in my ear "I'm glad to have you as my son, little Bud!"

Definitely no-one will take this away from me! I cherish this feeling of belonging, before getting sleepy. I close my eyes... and then I wake up!

The End


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© by Els 'Cygny' Rombaut (cygny@saint-seiya.de)


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