BGC: Samurai Saint Soldier Sayeah 3

© by Karl "krimson tide" Rim

This page was last modified: 2001/01/15


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Author's Note:

Hmm. Although there aren't too many Saint Seiya fans on the net I hope you can all still enjoy the story.

And Yes, the BGCloth reference will be made clear sooner or later. BTW, in case you are wondering, There is no way I'm going to parody every freakin' episoded and movie.


BUBBLEGUM CLOTH:
SAMURAI SAINT SOLDIER SAYYAH

(BGC: SS Soldier Sayyah)


  -----        ___   ___      :      +--@--+   /_____     3333
   |==| ,--.  |===| |===|     |     @|Saint|@ / | 3
  -+--| |__|  | ___  _:_|  ---+---   +@-+-@+   ___|___\    333
   ---+---    |  _    | |     |     ;---|---     / \  /       3
    --|--     | [_]  \| |     |    /  --|--     /   \     3333
  ----+----   |_||_  _/ |   __|__   ----+----  /     \
 

Historical Reference: These events make fun of the 1st Movie

Starring:

Pegasus Sayeah
Phoenix Icky
Andromeda Shunned
Cygnus Yoga
Dragon Shear
Athena - Saori Kiddo

vs.

Eris, Goddess of Discord and her Ghost Saints, resurrected dead Saints of Athena who now serve her: Arrow, Lyre, Shield, Crux and Orion Jaga


<Last time, Saori Kiddo aka Athena has been captured by Eris, the Goddess of Discord>

[Scene where Saori is chained up in an old Greek-style temple. A glowing golden apple is attached to her bossom.]

Eris: By nightfall the golden apple will have completely drained your lifeforce!

<But hope is not lost, The Dragon Saint, Shear, has returned.>

Sayeah, Yoga, Shunned: Shear!!! What are you doing here?... How did you get here?... So how is your girl, Shunrei?...

Shear: Hi guys. A saint must protect Athena! I took the shuttle... None of your business!...

Sayeah: Your eyesight! Is it restored?!

Shear: Umm, my eyesight... oh yeah that..., ummm... (Let's see, a close friend gave me magic healing Water?... No, that's ridiculous!) I mastered my Inner Eye! (yeah, that's it!)

<The Bronze Saints, now reunited, race against the clock to rescue Athena>

Shunned: Sayeah, Yoga, Shear!

Yoga: Sayeah, Shunned, Shear!

Sayeah: Yoga, Shunned, Shear!

Shear: Shunned, Youga, Seyeah!

Shunned: Yoga, Shear, Seyeah!...

[half an hour later]

All: Let's Go!!!!

<The Saints must face mortal combat with the agents of Eris>

[Yoga gets beaten to a pulp before being stabbed in the chest with a spear]

Yoga: That's it, I'm definitely asking for bigger health-care package...

[Dragon Shear has been knocked down for the nth time by Ghost Saint Shield]

Shear: For this I left China?!

[Shun is entangled by the wire's of Ghost Saint Lyre's lyre.]

Shunned: Uhh, Can't we talk this over?!

Ghost Saint Lyre: Die, saint of Athena!

[He strums the string wrapped around Shunned's neck. It fluctuates and tears into his throat. Suddenly the string snaps.]

Ghost Saint Lyre: Whoops, I broke my strings. I *knew* I should have restrung my lyre, I keep forgetting what 100 years under the ground does to musical instruments. Can you give me 5 minutes to restring this thing?

Shunned: [struggling to get up] Cough! Cough! I'll give you ten...

[Next we see Sayeah struggling up some steps]

Sayeah: Huff! Puff! Geez I hate these stairs!!

Audience: That's mortal combat? Walking up a flight of stairs?

Sayeah: Oh shutup! This is harder than it looks! Why don't you try climbing steps after being shot with a poison arrow?

<And Sayeah finally confronts Eris and her most powerful warrior, Orion Jaga>

Eris: To save Athena, you must first defeat Jaga.

Jaga: Hmf-hmf-hmf-hmf! [Bad guy chuckle]

Audience: That's better!

[Trumpet Fanfare]


Episode 47: Don't Fall, Pegasus! It's Lonely at the Top, and Very High!

[We return to the last confrontation between Sayeah and Orion Jaga]

Sayeah: Pegasus You-say-can! (Meteor Punch!)

[Sayeah's blows all aimed at Jaga, who is standing perfectly still, miss.]

Jaga: Not bad Sayeah, if you were aiming for the wall behind me.

Sayeah: ...I'm just getting warmed up! ARRRHHH! [clutches at a wound at his side.]

Jaga: I see you're feeling the effects of the poison arrow you were hit by in the last episode by the Ghost Saint, Arrow.

Sayeah: Y'know, why don't we ever get fair fights? It doesn't matter, I can still take you down!

[Sayeah tries a more direct approach in attacking Jaga, still missing him by miles. He tries to hit him several times with no success.]

Jaga: Sayeah, you have to try harder. I'm getting bored just standing here twiddling my thumbs.

Sayeah: You...! [Goes to punch him one more time]

Icky: Sayeah, wait! [He suddenly appears and catches Sayeah's fist.]

Sayeah: Icky! Did you stop me to take care of Jaga for me?

Icky: No.

Sayeah: WHAT?!

Icky: I was in the neighborhood to take care of some business and I noticed the fighting so I stopped by.

[At another site]

Shunned: Big Brother, you really *did* come back to save me!

Ghost Saint Lyre: [His helmet is boxed in and his lyre is bent around his neck] THis LiTtlE PiGgy weNt to MaRKet... thIS LIttLE piGGy StAYEd hOme.... MoMMY!! I'M HUngERy!... [spits out some teeth]

[Back to the main battle]

Sayeah: So if you're not going to fight, what good are you?

Icky: I'm here mostly for moral support. If you haven't noticed, Sayeah, you have a very sloppy fighting style. What you need is a coach!


Now, since you're drugged, probably with a terminal poison, you have to end this fight fast. Also due to the drug's effects, you're coordination is off, so you have to get in close and try and outmuslce him. [ed note: Jaga is about twice as massive as Sayeah] Now go! [Throws Sayeah into Jaga]

[Sayeah gets thrown back]

Icky: That was a great opening Sayeah, ramming your body into his like that! Now find out where he's weaker, attack his upper body! Okay so his upper body is too strong for you, attack his lower body!

Sayeah: [sarcastically] Thanks for all the help...

Icky: Okay now you know both his upper and lower body is too strong for you! That's a good idea, going on the defensive! Look at how he attacks you and learn from it... Okay now counter-attack! Sayeah, you're not counter-attacking. How are you going to win if you don't follow my signals? (Good boy, but he listens like a pipe, in one ear and out the other...)


Okay, change of plans, let him keep hitting you, tire him out! No Sayeah, don't just stand there with that dead look on your face, when he tries to hit you you're supposed to block.

[ed note: Jaga is using Sayeah for a punching bag]

Sayeah: Sa-Saori-san....

Saori: Sayeah...

Jaga: Die Pegasus!

Icky: Sayeah!

Eris: Finish him Jaga!

Jaga: Orion Meteor Crush! [His special attack where he charges himself up with centripetal force and spins his entire body into a spin and rams into his opponent with a powerful blow with his feet.]

Icky: Was that really necessary? You already hospitalized him for at least 2 weeks.

Jaga: Phoenix, do you know why us bad guys always have our final strong point at the top?

Icky: No. But you're probably going to tell m..

Jaga: Well in answer to your question: because it always tires our opponents out to run up all those steps to reach us at the top. And....

[Sayeah's limp body falls over a cliff]

Jaga: ...falling down HURTS...

[Sayeah falls down a looooong way down banging into small ledges along the way and breaking a couple of his ribs in the process.]

Jaga: ...a lot. So are you next?

Icky: No, I'm not fighting.

Jaga: What's the matter, Phoenix? Too scared?

Icky: Hardly. I'm not supposed to be an active participant in this episode. You see, according to the original script I was supposed to lose the fight between us. So I said: forget it. But keep it up, and I'll make an exception. The only thing they can do to me is not pay me for today's shooting.

Eris: So, you're not even scripted?

Icky: Of course not! That's also why I don't have that stupid Austrian accent now.

Eris: Forget him. He doesn't belong here and he can't interfere. It's almost sunset anyway, I've won!

Saori: Not yet! I have faith in my Saints. Your Ghost Saints are no match for the loyalty and heart of my true Saints. Unlike your troops, they don't fight for money, or power, but out of duty and loyalty. They'll push themselves farther and harder than anything. They'll even wrestle with death to win. And in the end, my saints will emerge triumphant!

[As she's talking we see Yoga, Shear, Shunned and Sayeah stuggling to get up and keep moving. Each in turn are giving energy to each other through the Cosmos they share. In the background is the Saint Sayeah theme song played slowly by symphony.]

Sayeah: It's no use... I feel like every bone in my body is broken.

Yoga: Don't give up Sayeah! We won't give up on you, don't give up on us! Do you remember the vows you gave when you accepted the Holy Cloth to become a Saint?

Seiya: Yes, I remember.... I'm a Saint...

Shunned: ...Sayeah! You must save Saori-san. You can't fail!

Icky: Don't be a wimp! Show them you can take it and come back stronger than ever! Show them what it means to mess with a Saint!

Sayeah: Every one is counting on me, I can't let them down... [starts flaring up with GOLD aura]

Shear: Sayeah! Saving Saori is the upmost importance!

Sayeah: Shear....

Shear: She hasn't signed any of our pension and pay checks yet!

Sayeah: What? [his aura flickers]

Saori: Sayeah! You are my last hope...

Sayeah: Saori-chan! [his aura flares up again]

Saori: You are our last hope Obi-Won-Kenobi... Oops! Wrong movie!

Sayeah: Argh! [his aura blinks out]

Icky: Sayeah, the main thing is: Athena can't hold out any longer, her mind is being destroyed! Next thing you know she'll be calling you Luke SaintWalker... And think you're her half-brother!

Sayeah: SAORI-CHAN!!!

[Back to the main scene]

Eris: Very nice, Athena. You would have made a good speech-writer. Jaga, I've changed my mind, finish off Phoenix.

Jaga: My pleasure! Hey Phoenix! Pheonix! Phoenix? Phoenix. Earth to Phoenix ... Earth to Phoenix ... do you read me? Oh well, It'll be a shame to pass up an opportunity like this. Orion Meteor Crush!

Icky: Sayeah! ... Hmmm? [Orion is about to strike Icky with his assault]

Sayeah: WAIT! [Sayeah emerges, rising up in a column of gold energy]

Jaga: Pegasus..!

Saori: Sayeah!

Sayeah: This is still my show! And I'm going to be the hero of the day and save Saori-chan! I call on the Gold Cloth using my Seventh Sense! [The Sagittarius Gold Cloth appears, and surrounds Sayeah]

Eris: Impossible!

Saori: I know! I never knew he could count!

[Sayeah throws some punches showing off his new power]

Icky: Hey! Can I train them or can I train them!

Sayeah: Neat Gold Cloth! Perfect fit! I knew this was made for me!

Jaga: Sayeah, I've never seen a Bronze Saint don Gold Cloth so fast before.

Sayeah: THANKS!

Jaga: But I'm going to kill you anyway.

Sayeah: Thanks....

Jaga: Just wearing a Gold Cloth does not make you a Gold Saint!

Sayeah: Well, having a big mouth doesn't make you unbeatable, either!

[The two of them clash, but it is obvious Orion Jaga's power is no match for Sayeah's gold cloth power. In laymen's terms: Sayeah is using Jaga as a punching bag.]

Sayeah: And this is for my jaw... And this is for my stomach... And this is for knocking me down the cliff! PEGASUS SWEEP-SAY-CAN! (Comet Punch!)

[Sayeah's applies his killing blow]

Jaga: Sayeah, you really are a gold saint... [dies]

Sayeah: Sunset!! I have to save Saori-chan!

Eris: Wait Pegasus! You still have to overcome the power of the GOLDEN APPLE!

Sayeah: Big deal, after all I've been through, one piece of produce isn't going to stop me... [Sayeah approaches Saori and is thrown back] Then again...

Eris: Forget if Pegasus! The Golden apple feeds upon the power of a Gold Saint and turns it against him! The stronger you are, the more powerful is its defenses!

Sayeah: Blast! Time's running out! I've got to do something... I know! Sagittarius Arrow! [Sayeah draws the bow and arrow of the Sagittarius Cloth] Nothing can stop the full power of a Gold Saint!

Eris: It'll never work Pegasus. William Tell, you're not. One little slippup and you'll kill Athena too. You're not that stupid.

Sayeah: Oh yeah, watch me! [concentrates his power in the arrow]

Eris: You are that stupid! You're crazy! Stop! If you mess up you'll kill Athena!

Sayeah: And if I don't, she'll die anyway. This way you won't win either. [Sayeah takes aim]

[All the other Saints in turn cry out]

Yoga: Sayeah!

Shunned: SAYEAH!

Shear: Sayeah?!

Icky: Zzzzz.. Snort! <Yawn> Oh, uh,.. Seiya!

Saori: Sayeah... what do you think you're doing?

Sayeah: Forgive me... [fires his arrow]

Saori: Oh please let this be another dream..

Eris: Nooo!! I was so close! [The arrow flies out and strikes Eris in the head, killing her]

Sayeah: I did it! I knew killing Eris would end her reign of terror! Hey Everybody, I killed a Goddess!

[The momentum in the arrow was so great it passed through Eris's head completely and still headed for Athena. It pierces the Golden apple, destroying it.]

Sayeah: Did you see that shot?! Alright I'm one BAAADDD Saint!

[Sayeah starts doing a victory dance]

Icky: You can say that again. And better make that TWO Goddesses.

[The arrow keeps going and impales itself in Saori's chest right behind the apple]

Sayeah: Whoops.

[The other Bronze Boys have just dragged their forms to the site]

Yoga: Sayeah.

Shunned: Sayeah!

Shear: SEIYA!!!!

Saori: Sayeah..., (gasp) Sayeah... no BAKA!!!!!!

Sayeah: Oh boy...

Icky: Well I gotta go, there's a volcano with my name on it waiting for me...

Yoga: Volcano?

Shunned: Big Brother likes to take nice warm baths inside active volcanos. It reminds him of when he was a kid.

Ghost Saint Arrow: Hahahahahhahaha!!! 'Nice work Pegasus!

Sayeah: You! But I beat you in episode 44!

Arrow: No you didn't. I'm actually a double agent. I really work for the Pope. My mission was to impale Saori with a poison arrow. But.. HAHAHAHAHAH ...(sniff) excuse me... It looks like I don't have to that anymore. Toodles!

Sayeah: I'll impale YOU...

[But before Sayeah can fire again, his gold cloth flies apart and returns to where ever it came from]

Arrow: I guess the cloth knows firing arrows just wasn't meant for you. Wouldn't want you killing off your own side. HEE-HEE-HEE!

Sayeah: Pegasus You-say-can! (Meteor Punch!) [He blows apart the Arrow Saint] Now you really will be a Ghost Saint this time.

Shunned: Sayeah, it's Saori-san, I can't feel a pulse.

Yoga: You killed her, Sayeah.

Sayeah: .... I think this would be a good time for a commercial break.


Next time on BGC: SS Soldier Sayyah!

<To save the life of Athena, salvation appears in the form of an unexpected ally>

Aries Mu: I am the Gold Saint, Aries Mu.
Shear: The Holy Healer! If anyone can heal Saori-san it's him!
Aries Mu: Alas I cannot. A wound of this magnitude of a Gold level can only be healed by reaching the temple of Athena.
Sayeah: What are you all staring at?!
Aries Mu: The only thing I can do is stabalize her condition. You have only 12 hours to reach her temple before it is too late. But it will be a treacherous journey. To reach her temple you must pass the twelve houses of all twelve Gold Saints.

[Points to a row of stairs climbing up to rows of Greek temples]
Sayeah: Great.. more stairs.

[Cut to several battle scenes]
Shear: Gulp! We have to fight an army of high powered warriors who are out to kill us!
Icky: Well, they better not ruin my brand new leather jacket!

Join us in the next exciting suicidal martyr episode as the Bronze Boys race against time to save Athena on:

BubbleGum Cloth: Samurai Saint Soldier Sayeah!

End of Part 3


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