Seiya Returns

© 2001 by Millerna

This page was last modified: 2001/01/18


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(Enter dazzling music)

Narrator: In a galaxy far FAAAAAAAARRRRR away...

Seiya: Oh, shut up about it!

SEIYA RETURNS


1 - Roaming the desert! or Mu left the damn Buzzard BeGone Spray at home...

ShakaC3PO: I don't get it! What are we doing here? *looks around the desert...* Ack! Hm, say, MuR2D2, those buzzards... aren't they just a little to close...

MuR2D2 *looks frightned*: Be...e...p.

ShakaC3PO: You have a fear of buzzards? *chuckles evily* Oooh, poor little Mu-chan, don't worry I'll protect you from the naughty buzzards!

MuR2D2 *very mad*: bebebebebebebebebebebep!!

ShakaC3PO: SEIYA DID WHAT?!! ACK!!! *passes out*

MuR2D2: Dammit!! Opps... er... beep!

The buzzards come down...

MuR2D2: ... *sobs*

* * *

2 - The identity crisis, the plan and Camus-sensei almost gets away!

Seiya: Roshi...? *heartfelt sigh* You know... I've been having an identity crisis... I mean am I Darth Seiya or something? I don't get it! *sniffle* Is that hot babe Saori my sis? If so, will we go to jail when people find out about that... er... midnight indiscretion?

Princess Saori: WHAT MIDNIGHT INDISCRETION??? PERVERT!!! There was NO midnight indiscretion!!

Seiya: Well, there will be one when I tell the story, hehehe.

Saori: SEIYA!!!

Shiryu: ACK!! A monster-spy-ugly-girl!!! *fries Saori*

Seiya: My Saori babe... *sniffles*

Shiryu: Well, that'll teach her to jump through scenes.

Seiya: Yeah, okay, but you know... You're supposed to be dead!

Shiryu: Your point being?

Seiya: Roshi?!! Tell Shiryu he's dead!! *whine*

Shiryu: SHUT UP! I CAN'T DIE -- I'm a regular in this show! *pulls out beer case -- SLURP* And besides, I'm very important to the story line.

Seiya: Yeah, just like Chewie.

Hyoga: CALL ME HYOGA!

Camus: Hyoga who?

Hyoga: Sensei! *hugs*

Camus: Eww... get away from me!

Seiya: Hm. Anyway, as I was saying... aren't we following a script?

Shiryu: Ikki burnt it

Seiya: Ikki! You jerk!

Ikki Lando: What did you say? Come here and say it to my face!

Seiya: Oops, my mistake! Ikki, you fried turkey, you!!!

Hyoga *looking at script*: Hate to say this, but we are horribly misplaced... Seiya, Ikki is not a turkey, he's a fried chick--

Ikki Lando: Come again?

Hyoga *weakly*: A phoenix?

Ikki Lando *puts Hyoga down*: Thanks.

Hyoga *glares*: Ahm... well, Saori, ShakaC3PO, MuR2D2 and I are supposed to be leaving. Mind if I take my Camus-sensei with me?

Shiryu: *shrugs* : Those damn robots are gone as it is.

Seiya: What?? Why??

Shiryu: You gave them to that slug Jabu the Hut, remember, to save that womanizing Julian?

Seiya: I protest! They're my pets!

Ikki Lando: I protest! I'm the womanizer!

Hyoga: Whatever! Bye! Camus-sensei, don't walk so close to the edge. Get away from that or you'll fall! ACK!! CAMUS-SENSEI!!!

*Camus-sensei promptly jumps -- I mean -- falls*

Hyoga *in tears*: CAMUS!

Seiya: Well, I didn't see that coming!

Ikki Lando *winks* Want to see it upclose?

Shiryu *shrugs* One ice cube less!

Hyoga *sobs*: Camus... I will never -- EVER forget you.

Camus-sensei: I'm alive, you idiot!

Hyoga: What?

* * *

3 - Excuse me, sir... but I do believe that's your tail! The evil slug of DOOM!

Jabu the Hut: Sssslurppp

ShakaC3PO: ACK! IT LICKED ME!!

MuR2D2: Beep! (hey, Shaka, you never told me about your friend... *winks*)

Jabu the Hut: Slurrrr...burps...sliiiii...

MuR2D2: ebebebebebe

ShakaC3PO: We have a message from our master -- hey, watch where you put that tail!

MuR2D2: *projects some Show Boat trailer* Beep! (Sorry)

Video sequence:

Seiya Skywalker: I aaaaaaaaaammmmm SEIIIIYA! THE LAST JEDI SAINT! BOW TO ME OR I'LL POUND YOUR BRAI-- OUCH! *is whacked by a saber light*

Shiryu: Sorry for the inconvenience! Seiya, just read the script!

Seiya *grumbles*: Yeah, like give us back Julian and you can have the robots, K? Don't and THEN I'll kick your slimy, little as$-- *is hit again*

Shiryu: Er, please?

Jabu the Hut: BWAHAHAHAHHA

Seiya: ...

Jabu the Hut: slurp, burp, slither.

ShakaC3PO *blinks*: He says he learned some of our tongue by one called Darth Saga?

Bounty Hunter and Hyoga + Camus walk in (in Camus' case one could say he's dragged)

Bounty Hunter: Hello, great Jabu the Hut, I don't know if it's arrived, but I sent a letter informing you of our arrival? *starts becoming green* Yuck! What is that freaky thing?

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Yo Jabu! Long time no see... hm... where's that salt box I keep in hand?

Camus *holds up a sign*: Milo! Get help!

Bounty Hunter: Hi Jabu! *waves* Well, I researched Wookie prices and general bounty prices, using the internet, of course, and to be truthful I found it absurd! 35,000 for Hyoga! Oh, for Athena's sake, why? You could have him for 10,000! Actually, give him rice and beans and he's yours. Invent some lame brained Save the Goddess and the World excuse and you'd have it made! We have to talk about your employee/employer relationships! This is a disgrace to gangsters worldwide! If my Grandfather were alive--

Jabu the Hut: Wackkk-slurrrr!!!!!

ShakaC3PO hands her a pouch: Just take the damn money and get out of here!

Bounty Hunter, counting the money *frowns angrily*: 10,000!!! How dare you! I have a thermonal detonator! You DARE cheat a Kido out of money! Three words: Burn, baby, burn!

Hyoga: Oh, Mama, I will soon be with you...

Camus: Well, good riddance! Milo, dammit, couldn't you at the very least have an ounce of responsibility!

Hyoga: Master, at least in the end you and I will be together, forever!

Camus: This is ridiculous, I refuse to take part in it. Hyoga, let go of my leg!

Bounty Hunter: So what will it be?

Jabu the Hut: Slllluurrrp BWAHAHAHAHA

ShakaC3PO: Er, he's fond of you, so he'll give you 20,000...

Bounty Hunter: Burn, baby, BURN!!!

* * *

4 - I'm sorry, but your swamp stinks -- Heartfelt confessions!

Seiya: *sigh* I gotta get out of this swamp... my friends need me, master...

Roshi: Friends of Seiya wimps be.

Seiya: I just gotta save my munchie-bunch-sister...

Roshi: Sister of Seiya money-grubbing-pyromaniac is.

Seiya: And my Fathers, I know at least I can save one of them... I mean they aren't BOTH evil, right?

Roshi: Fathers of Seiya satan be.

Seiya: *sweatdrops*

* * *

5 - Blind, helpless and in love with a violent woman... The sorrows of Juli-chan!

Saori Organa-Kido: Oh... Juli-chan, you should have seen the way I handled that sorry excuse for a gangster!

Julian Solo: Ack... who are you? HELP, I'm BLIND, POSEIDON!!

Saori Organa-Kido: You mean Athena *pat, pat*. Why, Juli-chan, it's me, your Princess Babe!

Julian Solo: HELP ME! For Poseidon's sake, HELP ME!!

Saori: Juli-chan, damn you, shut the hell up for ATHENA's SAKE!

Julian Solo: ACK! POSEIDON!! I'm BLIND!!

Saori Organa-Kido: ATHENA!! You are asking for it! *bashes dazed Julian*

Jabu the Hut: BWAHAHAHAHA! *slither*

* * *

Later, Jabu the Hut compound

Saori *in a kinky dress and tied to Jabu*: Pervert! Wait till my saints get here! I am a KIDO! You will NEVER survive this!

Julian: *eeps* I'm blind... *sniffle* I can't even see my Honey-sugar!

ShakaC3PO: I envy you...

Saori *glares at Shaka*: That's is coming off your paycheck!

ShakaC3PO: We get a PAYCHECK??

Saori: Oops, maybe I said too much... *laughs weakly*

* * *

6 - The dangers of the swamp! Or Why is your girlfriend a man?

Meanwhile (Yes, still in Rozan Waterfalls!)...

Seiya Skywalker: I don't get it... I mean, yeah, the whole Know thyself, Know thy enemy, is ok. But this?! This is stupid!

Shiryu Kenobi: Yeah, yeah, blah, blah -- next on thy list is thine girlfriend, Pisces Aphrodite!

Seiya Skywalker: WHAT THE? ACK! NO!

Aphrodite *appears out of the black mist*: Oh... yooooo-hooo... Seiya-chan!

Seiya Skywalker, terrified backs into a wall: NOOOOOO!

Aphrodite *winks*: Oh, yes, baby, you remember that torrid night of passion, ne? AHAHAHA!

Seiya Skywalker *looking very, very sick*: No! I... thought you were a woman! NO! *sobs*

Aphrodite: AHAHAHA, Seiiiiiiya-chan, you don't need to be ashamed! *winks* Aphrodite will take care of you, come to papa!

Seiya Skywalker: No! I'm a MAN!

Aphrodite: Hmmm... you want to play that one again? *starts to sing off-key* Macho, Macho Man, I want to be WITH a Macho, Macho Man! AHAHAHA

Aphrodite starts to fade into the dark once more... but not before blowing Seiya-chan a kiss.

Seiya promptly faints.

Shiryu Kenobi: Hey! Get up, we still have Lizard Misty, plus BOTH your fathers! GET UP!

* * *

Three days later -- WHAT? You actually want to know what happened? Well, hehehe let's just say, poor Seiya is a very mixed up child, yeah and Misty is pregnant... *sweatdrops* Don't kill me! I love both these character *laughs weakly*

* * *

7 - Why Al the Alien works out!

Seiya Skywalker *looking miserable*: So how is it that crushing my self-esteem will help with defeating Jabu single-handidly?

Shiryu Kenobi *shrugs and drinks a beer*

Seiya Skywalker: Thanks a lot, love you too. *knocks on Jabu's front door* Yo, slug, open up!

Weird Alien named Al: Your number, please?

Seiya Skywalker: You will take me to your master.

Weird Alien named Al: Er... well, it depends, what's your number, sir?

Seiya Skywalker *to Shiryu Kenobi*: Did we get a number?

Shiryu Kenobi: Hm... *reads a piece of paper* Yeah, what do you know: 543,233!

Weird Alien named Al: Calling 4, number 4 please come on?

Seiya Skywalker *hysterical*: But there's no one but us here!

Weird Al: Er... no can do, the rules are the rules. Number four? Number four please come on up!

Shiryu Kenobi: Dear lord, we're going to have to seriously harm him...

Seiya Skywalker *excited as all hell*: Yeah! Finally!

Weird Alien named Al: Four? Is four here?

* * *

8 - Attack of the Slug! For the love of a Hairy Goddesss! Jabu has really bad taste!

Saori Organa: I'm cold! *inspects her legs more closely*... I'm going purple! It wouldn't kill you to give me some slacks, slug!

Ikki Lando: Hmpf, *stares at the aforementioned legs* in that case it also wouldn't kill you to shave once in a while...

Saori Organa: Shut up, what do you know about history, I am a Greek goddess, do you think we shaved in ancient times?

Julian Solo: Oh, pooky, I really love wild, hairy-women!

Saori Organa: Oh, Juli-chan, you are so adorable with those chains and leather...

ShakaC3PO: What would you know... Seiya was right, Jabu really is a pervert...

MuR2D2: beep *sobs*

ShakaC3PO *to MuR2D2*: If it's about your butt, I was just being mean , it's almost as cute as mine, okay?

Ikki Lando: Well, I really don't like this... why do we ALL have to wear leather and chains?! *smiles evilly* Normally I wouldn't mind *wink, wink* I am the sex symbol after all, but with a hairy Goddess, a wookie, an ice cube, 2 robots and a blind guy even more perverted than myself, it takes all the pleasure away. Damn Jabu! I'll kill you!

Hyoga the Chewbacca *cheerfully*: It's not so bad! A warrior must face all hardships, ne Master?

Camus: What part of "Leave me alone" did you not understand? Milo, you bastard, come get me!

ShakaC3PO: Say, Camus, who are you talking to? *blinks*

MuR2D2: Beeeep *blush*

ShakaC3PO *stares at MuR2D2*: Close friends...?

MuR2D2: beeep (so I have heard while in Sanctuary)

ShakaC3PO: Impossible! My spies... ack! My Friends, hehehe, would have told me...

Camus *angrily*: What goes on between Milo and myself is nothing more than friendship -- perverts!

MuR2D2: Beep! (If you say so...)

ShakaC3PO: Hahaha, I hear wedding bells!

Camus *pissed*: How dare you!

Hyoga the Wookie : Master! How could you! I thought you loved ME!

Everyone: ...

Hyoga *pissed*: Like a FATHER! IDIOTS!

Seiya Skywalker: I demand you put me down ACK!

Shiryu Kenobi: Cool, a free ride!

*enter Seiya and Shiryu being carried in by Cassios*

Princess Saori: Seiyaaaa!

Julian Solo: Yay! We're saved!

Ikki Lando: Han Solo is supposed to have more self respect!

Hyoga the Wookie: Master, we're saved!

Jabu the Hut: SLURP!

ShakaC3PO: Seiya, you miserable baka, you've come to get me!

MuR2D2: BEEP!

ShakaC3PO: And MuR2D2 too!

Jabu the Hut: BRUUU!

Saori: KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT!

Julian Solo: You are so violent... I am so turned on by violent women...

Saori:: Why Juli-chan *giggles*

Jabu the Hut: Listen to me, you ignoramus! *Jabu slips out of Jabba the Hut costume*

Seiya Skywalker: Well, if there's anyone in the ENTIRE series who had the bad taste enough to be Jabba it would have to be you. Or Deathmask...

Deathmask: I hate you all! *sobs*

Jabu the Hut: BWAHAHAHA! So funny! Now, I'll kill you and take the hero position!

Saori: NOOOO!

Ikki Lando: Yuck, if there's anyone worse than Seiya...

Hyoga *looking green and furry*: Agreed.

Jabu the Hut: Heh, you say that now, wait till I give you a piggy-back ride *winks suggestively*.

Julian Solo: Yuck!

Jabu the Hut: Hey, Saori Organa had NO complaints!

Julian *looking mortified*: No, say it isn't so, my muchie-bunchie-sweet!

Princess Saori: Oops.

Seiya Skywalker: Now we're getting ahead of ourselves -- I'm the hero and the hero always kicks butt! It's in my contract! Jabu, bend over!

Jabu the Hut: Funny Seiya, but first you have to deal with -- SHAINA!!! BWAHAHAHAHA

* * *

9 - SHAINA HAS A TEMPER! Chow time and Camus makes a life decision!

Hyoga the Chewbacca: Well, who'd have guessed Shaina had a temper?

Julian, Chewie+Camus, Ikki Lando, Seiya and Shiryu are tied and bound ready to be sacrificed to a man eating desert plant. MuR2D2 and ShakaC3PO have front role seats. Saori is still tied to Jabu, but protesting a hell of a lot less...

ShakaC3PO: Mu, pass the popcorn!

Saori Organa *glares at Jabu*: I don't care what you say, I am not going to name my first child "Jabu's Brave Courageous Deed!" no matter what language you put it in!

Julian Solo: I can't believe it, she left me, I'm blind, Poseidon-less and now my honey-babe left me! Damn her, Poseidon!

Ikki Lando: Women are trouble, they use us and abuse us...

Seiya Skywalker: Yeah, I can't believe Shaina was so mad.

Shiryu Kenobi: Well, you DID two-time her with Aphrodite.

Hyoga: With Aphrodite?!

ShakaC3PO: I knew my sources were right!

Seiya Skywalker: I thought it was a woman!

Ikki Lando: Sure you did... *smirks*

Camus-sensei: I cannot stand this anymore, will you all shut your traps! I can't even hear myself think!

Seiya Skywalker: Er... Camus, what did you say?

Shiryu: Thinking is the opposite of Seiya!

Seiya Skywalker: Why do you always pick on ME!

Hyoga grips his hands in front of him: My master is so smart!

Camus *sighs in disgust*: Oh, forget common sense -- let's just blow up Jabu, Shaina, Cassios and that annoying Shaka and Mu!

MuR2D2: Beeep! (I thought we were friends -- no wedding gifts for you!)

ShakaC3PO: Yeah, well, I almost kicked your ass in Hades, just remember that!

Seiya Skywalker: Prepare for DEATH!

* * *

10 - Just a pitch of SALT! And a great, BIG shovel!

Hyoga the Wookie: Wow... salt really does work!

Seiya *looks at soggy puddle*: I sort of feel sorry... you know...

Shaina *glares at Seiya*: You are such a sorry excuse, I can't believe you needed 3 bronze saints, 3 Gold Saints and two greek Gods to defeat a slug! Even if the Slug was Jabu!

Hyoga: Especially because the slug was Jabu... look at the soggy puddle, sorry, soggy pool he made!

Ikki: The guy's dead and he's still giving us problems. *hands Hyoga a shovel* Here.

Hyoga: Why me?

Ikki *glares*: Why not you?

Seiya Skywalker *to Shaina*: Baby, everything I do, I do it for you!

Shaina: Yeah, cut the mushy crap, I'm NOT going to do ANYthing for you unless there's a ring on this finger, got it?

Seiya: Aww!

Saori: Oh, Juli-chan! I was so scared! *throws her arms around her Juli-chan*

Julian Solo: What was this talk about having Jabu's baby?

ShakaC3PO: I wonder what Zeus would have to say about this...

MuR2D2: Beep *looks sick*

Camus-sensei: Well, my work here is done, Hyoga, goodbye! Will you please let go of me?

Milo *teleports in*: Hey, Camus, I got your message, so what have you been up to?

Camus *waves his arms like crazy*: Milo! Help me!

Milo *grabs Hyoga and yanks*: Damn thing is stuck like crazy glue!

Hyoga the Wookie: Master! *sniffles*

* * *

11 - And the plot thickens thicker! No, really. I swear it does! COME BACK!

Seiya Skywalker: Cool, so what's the suicide mission now?

Princess Saori: Juli-chan and I will single-handidly save the fate of humanity (and the alien bums, too) by destroying the shielding machenism of the DeathStar!

Julian Solo: What? Oh, darn, you're one of THOSE chicks, huh? See ya later babe, I'm out of here!

Princess Saori: Damn you, after what you did to me you think you can get away?

Julian Solo: Hey, you're a big girl, nobody forced YOU!

ShakaC3PO: Ack... dear Bouddha-chan, please let them NOT be talking about what I think they're talking about...

MuR2D2: *sweatdrops*

Ikki Lando: DeathStar? That sounds so homey... aww... *looks starry-eyed*

Shiryu Kenobi: You're going to blow it up, you know...

Hyoga the Wookie: Hey -- Guess who is the Emperor? SHUN! Irony, huh?

Seiya Skywalker: Once it's irony and bad luck, twice it's fate!

Shiryu Kenobi: The Dark Force is strong in him... little punk!

Seiya Skywalker: I said it once, I'll say it twice -- PINK IS EVIL!

Ikki Lando: Damn, I should have known dropping him on his head as a baby wasn't such a good idea.

Seiya Skywalker: So what do we do now?

Hyoga Wookie: Like Princess Saori-sama said -- we're off to cut the DeathStar's shield...

Ikki Lando: And save my brother!

Hyoga Wookie: Er... Ikki, I have bad news for you...

* * *

12 - Drawing the straws! I believe in Kanon-sama! *Clap*

Emperor Shun *sigh*: I'm so bored! Hey, what are you two doing?

Darth Kanon: Drawing straws *concentrates*...

Darth Saga: Yes, to see who goes wading in the Sunion Cape!

Darth Kanon: ACK! Will you PLEASE stop mentioning that! We're drawing to see who gets to kick Seiya's little behind... hmmm...

Emperor Shun *nods happily*: So that he'll be on our side, right? And my brother and everyone else, too!

Darth Kanon *looks up*: Sure... whatever you say *evil smirk* BWAHA... *cough* HAHAAH *hack* HAHA... ha *choke*...

Darth Saga: Oh, for Athena's sake take a deep breath before you do that!

Emperor Shun: Oh, I've seen this movie... I believe in you, Darth Kanon! *claps his hands* I believe! *clap, clap* Everybody clap or Kanon-chan will die... that's what happens when children don't believe!

Darth Saga: You mean that story... Peter Pan?

Emperor Shun: Why of course, silly bunny!

Darth Saga *blinks*: So Kanon is TinkerBell?

Darth Kanon: I hate you!

* * *

14 - Back to the planet of the Apes! Wrong direction! Back to the Planet of the frozen God-Teddies! Asgard makes for a heck of a party!

And so our heroes find themselves travelling space to the remote little planet of Asgard where the Lady Hilda rules with an iron fist -- ACK *Hilda prepares to attack*! Er, I mean, where the Lady Hilda rules gently and kindly and wonderfully, not to mention intelligently with an MBA from Yale!

Lady Hilda: But of course, and which is why I allowed Emperor Shun to use Asgard as base for their Shield processing and etc. It seemed good for business... who knew the Empire would have such lousy credit...

Thor *in brown Teddy creature outfit*: I protest! First I get a stupid death scene and now THIS?

Fenrir Wolfie: I like this! Besides -- Humans suck!

Mime Teddy: Which reminds me, why on earth are you the only "wolfie"?

Fenrir: Humans suck, but a fluffy teddy bear ain't much better... Freya will you please let go!

Freya: So cute! *HUGZ*

Seiya Skywalker *snorts*: So much for manly men...

Shiryu Kenobi: And I thought Hyoga's Chewbacca outfit was bad.

Hyoga the Wokie: It almost makes you sad for them... but not quite! I got to find Hagen, that little fruit cake! Where's my camera?

ShakaC3PO: It is shameful for men to be seen this way.

MuR2D2 *looking sly*: Beep!

Shaka *mad as a rabit*: You do NOT have any such photos! I never wore a Teddy in my life! I would never degrade myself like that!

MuR2D2: beep!!! *starts waving piccies of Shaka dressed up as a Teddy*

ShakaC3PO: ACk! You... trash can!

Siegfried: Hilda-sama... must I trully wear this?

Hilda: I thought the Dragon suit was... cute.

Seiya Skywalker *stares at Siggie*: Who's the dead lizard?

Siegfried: Ack! Why us? Why not those Hades freaks?

Rhady *pops in*: It's very easy to judge where you're standing from! If you only knew the horrors I go through!

Pandora: Oh, Rhady-chan, dearie, it's time for that electroshock therapy. Oh, pooh, are you going to make me go through that hiding bit again? Oh, love, that's just so dull!

Rhady *gasp*: Dear God, no! Seiya, please take me in with you! I'm a hard worker, really, I never take a break, ask Kanon!

Pandora: Ah, there you are! Fudge, you made me come all the way up here! *electrocutes Rhady* Sorry, dears, for this awful interruption, carry on, carry on!

Saori Organa: She's so well brought up... I really admire how she handles the help.

Julian Solo: I agree, I love my women abusive and demented!

Hyoga Wookie: She almost reminds me of Mama... except dark-haired and not at all cute and bubbly and sweet, and gentle and all that good Mama stuff... *gets starry eyed* Mama...

Freya *looks cute*: Hyoga-san... aren't I cute too?

Hyoga *narrows his eyes suspiciously*: Where's that dress I gave you from my Mama?

Freya: Oopsie...

Haagen-Dahz ice cream-cone: What tangled webs we weave...

Alberich: Hagen is an ice cream cone! Hagen is an ice cream cone! Hagen is an ice cream cone! *is slapped by Syd kittie*

Bud Kittie: Annoying little bugger...

Shiryu: I just realised I haven't spoken in ages! There, I'm happy now!

Seiya Skywalker: So glad! Oh, no, look! The Empire is here!

Hilda: I told you, this is a military base!

Saori Organa: Oh, yes, which reminds me. I told your fathers you were coming, Seiya.

Julian Solo: What?

Saori Organa: I sent them a letter!

Hyoga Wookie: It's a Saori thing.

* * *

Flash to Kanon and Saga:

Kanon *reading letter*: She sent us a letter?

Saga: It's a Saori thing. Our little girl is all grown up and saving the world, so sweet!

Kanon: She's YOUR daughter!

* * *

Back to Seiya, Saori and Company:

Seiya: Why, on earth would you do a stupid, suicidal thing like that?

Ikki Lando: One word: Saori!

Shiryu Kenobi: That's more a name than a word.

Ikki Lando: Whatever! Just quit your whining and go save SHUN! I've gotta kick some Empire butt!

Asgardians and Saori cast: YEAH!!!

Seiya Skywalker: What am I supposed to do, anyway? Go knock on the door?

* * *

15 - The Darth Family Reunion "Please pass the potato salad!"

Seiya Skywalker *knocks on the door*: Ingrates!

Saori Organa, Julian Solo, Hyoga and Shiryu Kenobi give him thumbs up signs!

Darth Saga *opens the door*: Seiya!!! My son! *hugs* How have you been? Kanon, Come see who's here!

Darth Kanon *grumbles*: Just bring him in, will you! Damn, cold!

Seiya Skywalker: No, really! That's alright, I'm fine here! At the door, in running distance... ACK!

*is lifted off the ground by Saga and thrown inside, where he promptly slams into a wall*

Darth Saga: Did you see that? *innocently* The boy is all bones!

Darth Kanon *peels Seiya off the wall*: I AM YOUR FATHER!

Seiya Skywalker: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Emperor Shun: Oh, Seiya-san is here! Goodie, now we can serve the tea!

* * *

16 - Nobody parties like an Asgardian parties

Hyoga Wookie: The coast is clear!

Ikki Lando *playing poker with the Asgard boys*: I'll see your thousand and raise you two!

Saori Organa: Juli-chan... where are you, my love?

Julian Solo *in a corner with Freya*: So, do you come here often?

Freya *nods shyly*: Mr.Solo... may I speak casually with you?

Julian Solo: Yes?

Freya *moves to whisper in his year*: ...

Julian *eyes as big as saucers*: Wow... I didn't even know you could do that...

Freya *winks*: Here's my room keys... if you change your mind? *skips away*

Julian *watching starry eyed*: Fre... Freya. THANK YOU, POSEIDON!

Saori Organa *glaring*: Poseidon? I'll give you Poseidon, *whack*!

Julian Solo: Ouch! Ouch! Stop for Poseidon's sake!

Saori Organa: ATHENA's sake! *whack, whack*

Shiryu Kenobi: It stinks when your character is supposed to be dead and the author of the story can't figure out what to do with you next! There, I've said it!

Hyoga Wookie: Here, Kenobi, have a beer!

Fenrir Woofie: You don't think Seiya will figure out we're not really fighting a war?

Hyoga Wookie: Please, you're talking about Seiya!

Ikki Lando: Yeah, it took him years to figure out that that wasn't a "water fountain" next to the Kido's toilets! HAHAHA!

Fenrir: Not to mention the lousy special effects.

Hyoga Wookie: So what? We'll just scream like crazy!

AHHHHAGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR! DIE SCUM! HELP! I'm HITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

* * *

15 - If your parents are crazy... and you know it!

Seiya Skywalker: Wow, the guys sound like they're having a real rough time!

Darth Kanon: THEY'RE PLAYING POKER!

Seiya Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Darth Saga *to Darth Kanon*: I really envy the way he relates to you!

Darth Kanon *nods sagely*: Watch this! Hey, Seiya would you like some tea with your cookies?

Seiya Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Emperor Shun: Seiya, you're not being very nice with my cute Kanon-chan! *electrocutes Seiya*

Darth Saga *hands clasped over his chest*: My baby boy! BWAHAHAHA

Seiya Skywalker: Ouch, quit it, Shun. What's up with you psychos and electrocution?

Rhadamanthys: Finally, somebody understands what I go through! *hugs Seiya*

Darth Kanon: Ewww! Go away! This is a family thing! OUT!

Pandora: Oh, Rhadamanthys, dearie! ZZZZTTTTTTT! Pardon us, carry on, carry on! *drags out Rhady*

Darth Kanon: At least I had the good taste to spend all those years under the sea with that cute little blonde, Thetys.

Darth Saga: So, you spent 13 years under the sea with a fish?

Darth Kanon: Shut up, she wasn't there until the last two years or so!

Darth Saga: So, you spent 13 years under the sea... alone?

Darth Kanon: Well, I couldn't very well rise to the surface and say "Saga, old chap, let bygones be bygones!" Could I? SOMEBODY wanted to KILL me!

Seiya Skywalker: SHUT THE HECK UP, DADS!

Darth Saga: He called us Dad! My cute little baby boy!

Darth Kanon: Dad? Since when am I your "Daddy"? More respect, you call me "Father-sir"

Darth Saga: I like "Daddy"! Seiya, call me "Daddy"!

Seiya Skywalker: Be quiet!

Darth Saga *gasp*: Did you see what that little... ugly baby boy say to me, Kanon? *sobs*

Darth Kanon: See what you've done? You made your Daddy cry!

Emperor Shun: Bad Seiya. *electrocutes Seiya*

Seiya Skywalker: You guys are like a family of evil Gremlins.

Emperor Shun: Seiyaaaa! Join the darkside with us!

Seiya Skywalker: Hm, there's an idea. Join the darkside and spend 24 hours a day beside my two daddies...

Emperor Shun: Of course, you'll have Darth Saga and Darth Kanon and me! So, what do you say?

Seiya Skywalker: Gee... when you put it that way... NO!

Darth Kanon *to Shun*: Do you want us to beat him up now?

Seiya Skywalker: As a father-sir, you stink!

Darth Saga *pats Seiya's head*: Well, we don't really know WHO is your father. You only have a fifty-fifty chance of getting whacked on by your actual Dad, you know!

Emperor Shun: Seiya, think about all the Possibilities! You'll get a cool Darth name, you'll impress some girls for a change--

Darth Kanon: GIRLS! We've heard about that... er... mix up with Aphrodite. My own son, too! I'm too ashamed to even show my face in the Shogun's lounge!

Darth Saga: Although Aphrodite is cute...

Seiya Skywalker: It was an honest mistake!

Emperor Shun *whine*: Pay attention to me... or I'll cry!

Darth Kanon: Saga, quick, head for shelter! Run, son, run!

* * *

18 - Hanging out with my Two Dads! As if one wasn't enough!

In a safe bomb shelter

Darth Saga: Do you remember his mother?

Darth Kanon: Darn ugly girl!

Darth Saga *nods*: I only dated her to steal her from you! You always had such bad taste in women!

Darth Kanon *glares*: She was your girlfriend, not mine!

Darth Saga: She was yours!

Darth Kanon: Never! She dated you way before she dated me!

Darth Saga: She told me about you!

Darth Kanon: Wrong she told me about YOU!

Seiya Skywalker: Yo, Daddy, Father-sir! It seems to me she used BOTH of you!

Darth Kanon: What are you saying?

Darth Saga: She two-timed us?

Darth Kanon: She used us for meaningless sex?

Seiya Skywalker: Hey... it's just a thought.

Darth Kanon: What an amazing woman... even if she was ugly.

Darth Saga: I really admire her... so where is she now?

Seiya Skywalker: Queen Amidala Organa is DEAD! Hello, have you two even read the script?

Darth Saga: Kanon did that!

Darth Kanon *glares*: You were supposed to!

Seiya Skywalker: Alright, enough already! Sheesh!

Emperor Shun *opens the door to the bomb shelter*: Okay, you can come out now! I swear I stopped crying.

Seiya Skywalker: Thank Athena!

Darth Kanon: WAIT! It's a trap!

Darth Saga: Seiya, stay where you are!

Darth Kanon: There's a tear on the corner of his eyes! RUN, BOY, RUN!

Seiya Skywalker: Please, it's just a tear--

* * *

18 - Is it contagious?

Saori Organa: I wonder what Seiya is doing now?

Julian Solo: Seiya, Seiya, Seiya! All you ever talk about is Seiya!

Saori Organa: Juli-chan?

Julian Solo: Who do you want?

Saori Organa: Well, now that you mention it... Ikki is kind of cute...

Julian Solo: Me or Seiya?

Saori Organa: Pervert! Seiya is my brother!

Julian Solo: Really? Thank Poseidon, I was sort of afraid there for a second! Does this mean we're going to have to get married?

Saori Organa: Of course, silly. Unless, I find someone better!

Julian Solo: Excuse me?

Saori Organa *shakes her head*: Nevermind!

Julian Solo: So... Saori, is this thing with your fathers... will our kids... you know, be whackos?

Saori Organa: Of course not, silly! BWAHAHAHA

Julian: What was that?

Saori Organa: Nothing dear!

Julian Solo *looking very scared*: Then, you won't mind signing this pre-nuptial agreement?

Saori Organa: ...

Julian Solo: Dear, why are your eyes going red?

* * *

19 - Pink is EVIL! The end of the Empire...

Emperor Shun: Seiya, sorry about that...

Darth Saga *drying up Seiya*: I think he's still deaf.

Darth Kanon: I told him! Didn't I tell him? *Darth Saga nods* Children nowadays have NO respect! Remind me to drown any other children I might have!

Darth Saga: I thought we ate our babies?

Darth Kanon: No... snakes eat their babies.

Darth Saga: Well, if I were an animal...

Darth Kanon: You have a point.

Seiya Skywalker: ACK! *jumps behind Shun* SHUN, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Darth Saga: How cute, he's imitating you, Kanon!

Darth Kanon: I knew it! Seiya was only pretending to be out cold!

Seiya Skywalker: So... you're not going to eat me? Darth Saga: Of course not! You're our baby boy! *hugs* Besides, you're way too thin!

Emperor Shun: See how much fun we have at the DarkSide?

Seiya Skywalker: Believe me I'd rather things be dull.

Emperor: Come on! You'll get to wear PINK LEATHER, isn't that cool!

Seiya Skywalker *horrified*: Pi...n...kkkk?

Darth Saga: ACK!

Darth Kanon: Pink Leather?!

Seiya Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Emperor Shun: Yes, yes!

Darth Kanon: No! Even we aren't evil enough... to... wear... *strains hard* PPppppp... I can't say it!

Emperor Shun: PINK!

Darth Saga: NO! I have a headache...

Darth Kanon: See what you've done!

Seiya Skywalker: Shun, my friend, don't you see... Pink is the supreme evil!

Emperor Shun *nods happily*: I don't mind! I want to create a new world! A world with pink leather and Barbie-women and men who look like Ken. With Care Bears and TeleTubbies on TV all day long! And the Olsen twins! And Sunday afternoon TV!

Darth Kanon: What about world domination?

Emperor Shun: Well *evil gleam in his eye* There will be tons of that, Kanon! Anyone who dares disobey the PINK ORDER will PAY! HAHAHAHAHA

Seiya Skywalker: That sounds an awful lot like... Hades!

Emperor Shun: I AM Hades, sheesh!

Darth Saga: Didn't we kill you in... Hades?

Darth Kanon: See, I told Athena she should've sent me!

Seiya Skywalker: Don't worry, Shun we'll get Hades out of you!

Emperor Shun/Hades: You can't do that, silly! Shun is Hades!

Seiya, Kanon, Saga: *blink*

Darth Saga: Hold on! I know a bit about split personality--

Darth Kanon: Don't you ever!

Darth Saga *glares at Kanon*: Emperor, sir, what you mean is that NOW you're Hades, right?

Emperor Hades: No, you bakas! Haven't you figured it out yet? SHUN DOESN'T EXIST! ONLY HADES DOES!

Seiya Skywalker: So, you lied to us about being possessed by Hades?

Darth Kanon: So, you really are the supreme evil?

Darth Saga: The enslaver of all humanity?

Emperor Shun: In one word -- YES! HAHAHAHA

Emperor Shun is promptly thrown out the ship.

Emperor Shun: I'll get even! I'll never die! Moon Crystal Power -- MAKE-UP! *thud* OUCH!

Darth Saga: Well, there's a nasty little bugger, if I ever saw one!

Darth Kanon: Yeah and we're the ones who are supposed to be evil.

Seiya Skywalker: Hey, Dads, why don't you two come home with me? You'll get to see Saori, your daughter?

Darth Saga: Didn't I try to kill her?

Darth Kanon: I'm pretty sure we tortured her a bit.

Seiya Skywalker: Let's let bygones be bygones!

Darth Saga: Well, seeing the family together again would be nice?

Darth Kanon *nods*: I could definitly go for a beer!

ANNOUNCEMENT: THE DEATHSTAR HAS BEEN DAMAGED BY THAT LITTLE FREAK SHUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

* * *

20 - The twist ending! Or is it?

Saori Organa: Look it's Seiya, he's come back!

Siegfried: QUICK -- PRETEND YOU WERE FIGHTING!

Seiya Skywalker: Ack, forget it, bums!

Hyoga Wookie: Damn, Seiya, you look awful!

Saori Organa: You poor thing, you had to fight our Daddies, didn't you?

Seiya Skywalker: Not exactly, the ship blew up on me!

Shiryu Kenobi: Excuse me?

Seiya Skywalker: Turns out there was only one get away ship and with seating for only two and my "DADDIES!" thought it would be better if they took it and left me to DIE!

Saori Organa: Julian and I are getting married!

Hyoga *eyes narrow*: Isn't that Julian over there making out with Freya? SHE'S MINE and Hagen's!

Hagen *nods*: We've decided to share.

Saori Organa: Julian, damn you! I'll get you! *runs after Julian*

Shiryu Kenobi: Looks like everything's back to normal!

Seiya Skywalker: Yeah, where's Ikki?

Shiryu Kenobi: I don't know, he just suddenly walked away and said he had something to do...

Ikki Lando: I'm here!

Seiya Skywalker: Ikki!

Ikki Lando: Seiya did you throw Shun out of the DeathStar?

Seiya Skywalker: No, my fathers did. Shun is supreme evil!

Ikki Lando: What? How silly, Seiya!

Shiryu Kenobi: Hahaha, you're so funny, Seiya!

Ikki lando: Well, no matter, Shun is safe now!

Seiya Skywalker: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Shun *looks sweet*: Hi Seiya! Don't worry, I don't hate you because you threw me out of the DeathStar! It was the bad influence of the Darths! I love everybody!

Ikki Lando: Is there some more beer? *He and Shiryu leave*

Seiya Skywalker: Hades?

Shun *grins maniacally: Moon Crystal Power -- Make-up! I told you I'd get even! HAHAHAHA

Seiya Skywalker: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The End!


Shun: No, you can't end it like this! I'm cute and cuddly and nice!

Millerna *winks*: Of course you are, Shun! *hugs*

Kanon: And Saga and I aren't Seiya's Fathers!

Saga: And we're not evil!

Seiya: Yes, you are!

Kanon: Go to your room!

Seiya *whine*: You are so mean!

Millerna: Shun, why are you holding that Care Bear?

Shun: My Niisan gave it to me!

Saga: My Goddess, he's wearing PINK LEATHER!

Kanon: RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

ShakaC3PO: Don't you think people will realize that MuR2D2 and I are missing from the rest of the story?

Millerna: What? Oh... Oops!

MuR2D2: But people like us! We're very funny! Look: Beep! See, I'm funny!

Millerna: Sorry guys there wasn't any space for the two of you!

ShakaC3PO: What do you mean NO SPACE! We could have fought Darths Whatever!

MuR2D2: You owe us one!

ShakaC3PO: Yes! An entire series dedicated to the Advantures of ShakaC3PO and MuR2D2!

Millerna: RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!


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