The Walhalla Chronicles

Fried Chicken Records

© 2001 by Niara

This page was last modified: 2001/11/01

Back to Stayka's Saint Seiya Index | FanFics | Site Index the conference on the regulations of space-cake in secondary schools. His wife Hera didn't get injured, but refuses to comment on the unfortunate events. The... "Damned radio." Ikki raised on one arm, still dizzy and half asleep. He didn't even remember what happened last night. A game of poker, blurry faces, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol. He turned on his back and gazed at the ceiling and the worn, flamed wallpaper. He lost at least 500 dollar during the last game. He sighed and looked at the window, reflecting the sun. What had he ever achieved in life? Besides being a defender of Athena, a saviour and knight of the world, a brother to Shun, who was now working as an entertainer at the 'Blue Lagoon' nightclub, and besides being president of the local weight-watchers?

Ikki rose to his feet and dragged himself to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and turned around several times. He was handsome, sure. Top of the bill. He started combing his dark blue hair, while staring into his own eyes. He gently caressed the scar running down his nose. He stepped back and grabbed a T-shirt. A smell of musk filled the air. "No-one beats the Phoenix", he whispered to the mirror. He closed his eyes and felt the muscles in his entire body tense as he imagined the good old days, when he had fought as a Bronze knight. Athena's admiring looks, Guilty's commanding voice, Esmeralda's death. "One day I'll be taking Seiya's place." A grin appeared on his lips. He snapped his fingers. His cosmo started burning. His legs trembled with tension, energy ran through his body and soul, smoke came out of his ears...and finally...he lit a cigarette. He opened his eyes and looked down. He still had it in him. He was now Phoenix. The warrior of fire, hatred and love. The warrior everyone respected and feared. He opened a drawer and took a rusty key, hidden under a pair of Micky Mouse socks. He closed the drawer and went to the hallway, where a steep stairs led to the attic. He climbed the stairs and pushed the squeaking door. There it was. Covered in glory and cob webs. His Second Cloth. His triumph. History. Fear. Fire. Power. Ikki carefully picked up the Cloth and felt the tissue. As good as new. No need to take it to Mu. Immediately he felt the urge to put it on. He turned the Cloth and found the zipper on the back. He started pulling. "Damn, it's stuck." He pulled again. The zipper gave way. He stepped into the Cloth and noticed how his cosmo came into action. This was it. The return of the old Ikki. Electricity ran through his fingers, waves of cosmo, creating a red-yellow light which spread all around the attic. The ground began to tremble, cracks appeared in the walls. "Let's go to the bathroom. Let's have a closer look", he grinned. He flew down the stairs and left a trace of flaming cosmo. "Seiya ought to see this", he thought. "He'd turn green with envy." Ikki entered the bathroom and walked towards the mirror. He closed his eyes in anticipation. "I'm the warrior closest to victory." Slowly he opened his left eye. He saw the vague contours of the mirror. "Darn, I desperately need glasses", he grumbled. Then he opened his right eye. The Phoenix. The personification of power, courage and respect. He looked at his muscled legs, virile and tensed. The legs of a strong warrior. He looked at his belt. It was still glistening. In fact, it glistened even more than it ever had before. His fingers ran along his abdomen, his chest, while his eyes followed every movement of his hands. Then, finally, he looked up. He looked straight into his dark eyes, which reflected pain, knowledge, hate, and most of all, power. "A real poker face", he grinned proudly. He cast a look upon his helmet. Suddenly, his eyes opened wide. His eyelids flickered. " can't be..." He gazed at his reflection and went all colours of the rainbow. "This must be a nightmare...a can't be..." Instead of his helmet, a huge roast chicken flaunted on his head. It was still damping and its smell started spreading in the bathroom. "No...this isn't happening. It's a dream." Ikki ran into the hallway, while trying to pull the chicken off his head. In vain. He grabbed the phone and dialed a number, his hands shaking with disgust.

"Hullo, Shunny Bunny, how can I entertain you?"

"Shun??? Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!! Little bro, please, help me!!!"

"Hey, pal, whazzup?"

"Shun, you will never believe"

"Calm down, big bro. For Athena's sake, whaz wrong? Did you wet your Cloth?"

"Shun, you got to help me...I was..."

"You was what? Look, pal, don't have all day. Still gotta varnish my nails!"

"Shun, my's changed...the helmet is gone!"

"You need to phone me for that?"

"My helmet turned into a chicken!", Ikki whined.

"I thought so. Had too much weed yesterday, hadn't you? Or hit the booze again?"

"No!!! I'm deadly serious! Come and check it out for yourself! And worst of all, I can't get it off! It's stuck!!!"

"Look, I can't make it right now. After tonight's show I'll drop by, okay?"

"Please come as soon as you can!"

"And what about your precious friends? Can't they come and help you? Why do you always call me to solve your trivial probs?"

"Please, Shun!!! You are my brother, you won' won't..."

"...laugh at you, huh? Of course, you don't wanna ruin your reputation, aye? So call good ol' Shun!"

"Please, I beg you, come and help me!!! Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun, I need you, so badly!!!"

"You nearly make me feel sorry", Shun sneered.

"Will you come?"

"Man, you're really som'thing!"

"Just get your ass up here!!!"

"Yeah, that sounds more like my dear bro Ikki. All right, you jive-ass turkey. I'll be there in a couple of hours."

"I'm eternally grateful to you, mate. You..."

"Please, cut the crap. See you later, big bro."


Ikki listened to the silence. This was absolutely outrageous. Whoever did this to him, whoever was behind this, he'd pay. He knew life wasn't exactly beer and skittles, but this was beyond imagination. Even his own brother thought he was joking. He'd have to cancel his date with Freya. "Rats." Again he pulled the chicken. It wouldn't move an inch. "This is the ultimate humiliation. I can hardly go to my date with this piece of poultry on my head." He switched on the television, watched Jerry Springer for five minutes, yawned, fell asleep. Before his eyes, a distant shadow began to form. He found himself walking on a black, endless carpet, his feet sinking deeper with every step he did. Someone was approaching, but then dissappeared into thin air. He tried to yell, but his throat couldn't produce a single sound. He tried to pace up with the person in front of him, his head getting heavier and heavier. His hands felt as if they were coated in lead. Someone approached again, producing distant laughter.

Ikki woke up. The chicken on his head started weighing quite heavy. "Shit, look at this rotten duck on my head. This kind of thing should happen to Hyoga, not to bloody me", he grumbled.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Doorbell. Heck.

Ikki ran to the corridor and avoided to look at the mirror next to the coat hooks. He looked through the tiny peep-hole in the door and saw a purple glimmer. Shit.

He opened the door reluctantly.

"Good evening, my dear Son."

"Evening, Mu."

"May I please come in?"


Mu came in and wiped his feet.

"It is good to see you again, dear disciple."


Mu stole a glance at Ikki's head.

"Is that the newest fashion?", he said dissapprovingly.

"Not exactly."

Mu made his way to the living room. "May I sit down?"


"You should change you lifestyle, dear Son."

"And why would I do that?"

"This way of living will ruin your future perspectives. Now, I brought something..." He produced a heavy, worn-off book with a black cover. In the middle of the cover, a silver cross.

"Yuck, that's a bible!"

"So it is, my Son, and it will save you from any bad influences."

"What the h..."

"Sit down. Let's read some psalms, shall we?"

Ikki turned away in revulsion.

"Look at yourself. You have completely fallen from grace. Do you think Athena would ever want you back as her personal guard and savior?"


"And what is the sense of walking about with poultry on your head?"

"I haven't..."

"With my moral help, you will make a quick recovery, my Son."

"You moralizing old fool!!! Please, do me a favour and play your tricks on the rest of the saints."

"Now, now, Ikki. What a language. That is not quite what we taught you. Where is your pride, your selfrespect?"

"Look, Mu, if you don't want to end up leaving this place as a crippled purple punk-head, I suggest you make yourself scarce right now."



"Take this holy book first..."

Ikki grabbed Mu by the hair and pulled him into the hallway.

"I never could stand that pony-tail of yours anyway", he said as he kicked Mu out of the door.

"Never expected it would come that far with mister handyman", he said to himself.

Again, Ikki placed himself in front of the television, trying to ignore the smell of roasted chicken that was constantly surrounding him. He played with the remote control and tried to fix his attention to a romantic movie, but failed. Why was life so complicated? Why did Shunrei refuse to go out with him? He had promised to go to the movies with Freya, but after all she was not what he had in mind.

Ikki heard a knock on the front door. He went to the hallway and once more avoided to look in the mirror. He opened the door.

"Yo, bro!"


"Sorry, tonight the place was really crowded. And they'll probably want me to do the full Monty next week, heh."

"Shun, look..."

"Wow, man! Look at you! Flashy duck you got there!"

"Don't mock, brother. It is not so funny as it might seem."

"My, why don't you join me tomorrow to the club? They'll take you on for sure, you'd do great for the 'Luny Lot' act." Shun grinned amusedly.

"Oh please, take a hike!!"

"It makes me hungry just to look at you. Have anything to eat for me?"

"I still have some raspberry pudding in the fridge."


Shun dissappeared into the kitchen. Ikki sighed and fell down on the couch.

"Now why the long face, bro? The chicks will love you!" Shun laughed at his own word pun.


"So how's the date with Freya?"

"It's not happening."

"She will be dissappointed."

"Then so be it."

"You can't do that to her. Hyoga already dropped her for Aphro."

"That's her problem. Nothing to do with it."

"Now you're mean. Just take her out once, she'll feel much better. And there will be plenty to eat, too."

"I have about had it with your stupid allusions!"

"All right. Shall I leave?"

"No, just change the subject. Or rather, try to find a way to get me out of this situation."

"How did it start in the first place?"

"I don't know. I put on my Cloth and there it was. It just happened."

"Nothing just happens like that. Maybe it's a curse, or a sign, or something."


"Whatever, you'll have to come up with a solution, bro. This way you can hardly show yourself to the others without causing them to die of laughter."

"I thought you would help me."

"I can always call Mu."

"No, you won't. He already was here tonight."


"He wanted to clean my soul with that darn bible of his."

"A bible? Well, might work."

"For you, yes. For me, never."

"You didn't kick him out, did you?"

"I did."

"You dumb-ass."

"Look Shun, we both know we have different preferences. Let's not argue about that, okay?"

"As you please."

Ikki looked at his brother. His looks had improved.

"So you make good money in that club, do you?"

"As you see." Shun pulled down his trousers.

"Hey, I didn't ask you to give a show right here!", Ikki shouted.

"No, look!"

Ikki saw Shun's underpants were bulking with banknotes.

"Well brother, it certainly pays off."

"It does. You should join me and hit the stage. You would be successful, believe me."

"No, thanks. Not my cup of tea."

"Anyway, I expect you there next week. You can't miss my special show."

"Guess I'll have to go."

"Yes, and now I have to go. See you around." Shun walked to the hallway.

"Let me know if you find someone who can help me out of this mess."

"Sure. I'll call a few people. Bye, bro."

Ikki closed the door and felt even worse. Obviously Shun didn't understand how desparate he was. He tried to phone Freya's cellular, but got her voice mail instead. He swore and went to bed.

The smell of roasted chicken woke up Ikki at 11.00am. "Darn, I slept in again." He lifted up his head and noticed he had a flaming headache. "That's it. That's enough. I can't stand it any longer. This problem must be dealt with, immediately."

Before he reached the bathroom, the doorbell rang.

"Now what?"

He urged to the hallway.

Outside was Mu.

Ikki gazed at him. There was Mu, in a jeans and a white T-shirt. His hair was cut short, up to the head.

Mu smiled. "Yo, mate!"

Ikki stared at Mu. "Your hair... what happened to your hair?"

"Oh. Well, I finally bought myself some toilet paper."

Ikki nodded. "I see", he said.

Mu entered.

"But what's with the bible?"

"Left it at home. It was no use."

"You were quite serious last night", Ikki grumbled.

"Yah. Fooling people, that's my job!"

"Wanna cup of hot, home-made coffee?", Ikki asked while trying to keep his head straight.

"I'd rather have a Red Bull, if you don't mind."

"It's no good. Too synthetic for my taste."

Mu picked up a tv magazine and started reading the gossip page. "See, Ike, mate, I think I found a solution to your probs. I know a way to get rid of the chicken."

"Really??", Ikki shouted from the kitchen, banging the chicken against the top shelf.

"It will take some time, but then again, you would be freed of all trouble. It might even get you closer to Athena."

Ikki returned from the kitchen with a cup of coffee and a tin of Red Bull.

"Tell me."

"Well, for now, all I am allowed to say is that you'll have to fight."

"Fight? No prob."

"But you can't use any of your usual powers, my friend."

"What??? Then how am I supposed to win? And against whom exactly do I have to fight?"

"You will see that later."

"Who have you been talking to?"

"Can't say."

"Come one, don't give me that."

"I really can't."

"And what are my chances?"

"I wonder. This kind of fight you never did before."

"And who is behind this?"

"That I can tell you."

"Who, for fire's sake?"


The End

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