The Zeus Chapter

© 2000 by Torquemada

"XX Century Hoax"

proudly presents:

"Hades is not enough", or "Seiya never dies"

(The script of the Zeus Chapter, that is perfect for Toei animators to avoid at any cost).

This page was last modified: 2000/12/04


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Prologue

Olympus faces the new morning! And immediately regrets

"Hermes! Hermeeeeeeeees!" The ear-tearing shout dragged the Messenger of the Gods out of his sleep even better than a bucketful delivery of ice-cold water into the bed. Hermes jumped off the bed, looking for his slippers. One of them somehow managed to untie itself in the night, and now was floating cheerfully high under the ceiling. While Hermes was trying to knock it down with the trusty broomstick, the shout repeated several times, the hint of impatience in it audibly growing. But when Hermes finally dressed up more or less properly, it already stopped. And that promised even worse events.

"Have you called for me, Zeus?"

Zeus was sitting on his throne, reading the morning newspapers. It looked like a perfectly ordinary morning in Olympus, except that there was a fresh wet spot on the wall and the shards of an ambrosia cup lay on the floor under the spot.

"Hermes..." The sweet and soft voice of Zeus made Hermes cower mentally. "Tell me... what exactly are your responsibilities here in Olympus?"

"Well, but you know, Zeus... I'm a messenger..." Hermes ventured.

"A messenger. Indeed. And what does this mean, Hermes?"

"Er, it means, er... that I collect all the news on Earth, and bring them here to you... and, and I bring your orders to the other lesser gods, too, and, er, their answers to you I bring, too..." Hermes went on, desperately trying not to think on certain answers by some slightly hot-blooded gods that were never being delivered in their original form for reasons of safety. "And, er, I am ... "

"Exactly, Hermes. You bring me all the news from the world. All, let me inquire again?"

"But yes, Zeus, all. Yes, that is definitely all."

"THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE FACT I LEARNED ABOUT SOME FILTHY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MY DAUGHTER AND MY! OWN!! BROTHER!!! NOT FROM YOU, BUT FROM THE NEWSPAPER?!"

Hermes caught the newspaper thrown into his direction, simultaneously strangling the overwhelming wish to dive under the table. Then, with trembling fingers, he unfolded it. It was "Daily Olympus", the most cynical, filthy and shameless tabloid imaginable - and as a result, the most popular. The fat black capital letters screamed at Hermes from the front page:

CAUGHT IN THE ACT!

Above, there was a slightly blurred photograph, obviously shot from far distance, of Athena and Poseidon together. Kissing not exactly in the way of merely close relatives.

The article said, "Recently, the goddess of Wisdom and Just War, Athena, and the god of the Oceans and the Seas, Poseidon, were spotted ...blah...blah... his hand was on her ...blah...blah... then they entered Athena's house ...blah...blah... and he left only in the morning. The witnesses say that has continued for ...blah...blah... Athena and Poseidon formed a coalition against Hades, and after the fall of the Underworld they seemed to ...blah...blah...blah."

Oh blah, Hermes thought slowly. Of course he knew what was happening, being the god of Gossips, too. But, considering the promises Athena and Poseidon gave him together with a warning to fulfill them if he said "just a single word!" to Zeus, Hermes decided to cut the flow of information. And, as it seemed now, he probably had been wrong.

While Hermes was feverishly thinking on possible explanations (357 were already rejected, for being either utterly stupid or obviously life threatening), Zeus continued in a more normal voice letting his feelings out. "My little baby, my Athena... And with whom? Poseidon, my own brother, blood of my blood! What a shame for the family!"

'There is no possible way not to bump into either your offspring or your relatives, or your mistress' in this Olympus,' Hermes thought sulkily. The hobby of Zeus usually resulted in a constantly growing quantity of gods, and sometimes it was a real headache to find oneself a partner who was not one's own close relative.

"And how could he? Doing such things, right, I may say, in front of the eyes of his wife! Such shockingly disgraceful behavior, and his wife is still alive!"

"Aunt Amphitrite will live forever, dad. She is a goddess, as we all are. Hence she is immortal."

Both Zeus and Hermes turned their heads to the newcomer at the entrance.

High boots, worn and dusty; above, greeny-grey pants with greeny-grey blobs of camouflage and above that, a comfy jacket of similar design and color. Just above that, a too pretty to be so serious face, and the hat with an eagle's feather stuck under the brim finished the portrait of Artemis, the goddess of the Hunt and one of Zeus' most favorite children.

Artemis grabbed the nearby chair, plopped heavily on it, crossed her legs on the table and began to stuff her pipe with tobacco from her poach. Zeus frowned, but decided against reading the moral about smoking women and the damage to the lungs. The reaction of Artemis, Olympus' most fierce feminist, was predictable, and Zeus didn't want to experience it anymore.

"So you have heard what is happening here, Missy?"

"Aha. And I tell you what, dad - this all gives me not the slightest surprise at all. You spoiled Athena to an unbearable level, dad. So your reaction is a bit funny to me. You can't blame anybody but yourself, actually." Artemis puffed a perfectly round ring of the smoke to the ceiling.

"Hah! So you are saying that it is all my fault that my brother seduced my daughter?"

"Dad, they are not the first, they are not the last, so why all that fuss? Besides, I don't think Uncle Poseidon seduced Athena. It was, as you probably just read, 'a coalition'". Artemis spat the word out like a piece of poisonous food. Then she spat for real. On the floor.

"Missy, please..." Zeus said with a painful expression on the face.

"Sorry, dad. I constantly forget I'm not in the forest." Artemis ground the spit with her boot, and proceeded. "It was going like that quite a long time already, dad, but you refused to notice. At first, she and Ares didn't want to share certain areas of influence. Then, my twin brother..." - Artemis looked at Zeus reproachfully, and he couldn't help but to turn his eyes away. "Further, it got even better and she began to meddle in foreign affairs: remember Odin's note of protest and after that, how we hardly managed to extinguish the arising conflict with the Christian pantheon? Then that silly fight between her and Uncle Poseidon. And finally - the horrible havoc in uncle Hades' place was a total shame, and yet you closed your eyes! What must happen next, dad, to finally make you notice Athena's behavior?"

"But - you said it yourself, Missy - Athena was fighting Poseidon! And now..." Zeus sighed.

"Dad, hatred at first sight always means a hot relationship will happen in the future! It is one of the general principles of the universe, and even you can't beat'em."

"But Athena seemed to have a toy from among the mortals, didn't she? At least I was informed so." Zeus squinted at Hermes, who just started to relax and feel pleasantly forgotten.

"A mortal? Your Athena always was to smart to mess with the mortals. She is not Aphrodite. Besides, that mortal you probably are referring to is now stuck in the ruins of the Underworld together with Uncle Hades, and nobody knows their exact location."

"Missy, but how comes that you are so well informed about what was happening in Athena's life?" A sudden suspicion struck Zeus.

Artemis looked uneasy.

"Well, dad... I made a little agreement with Aphrodite, and she did a bit of spying for me in Athena's Sanctuary..."

"You and Aphrodite? I can't believe it! You two have always been fighting like cat and dog!"

"Sometimes there are higher purposes that unite, dad." Artemis shrugged. "Besides, we are not too different, to think about that. I'm a feminist, she is feminine. 6 letters out of 8 ain't bad."

"And what is Aphrodite at now?"

"I don't know, and that's an additional headache for me, because I feel responsible. You see, Aphrodite decided to incarnate into a man, because the females of Athena's Sanctuary have to wear masks - that is yet another thing I want to point out very, very sharply - and Aphro likes to be noticed, you know her. So she participated in the revolt against Athena, failed and was banished into uncle's Hades place together with the other rebels. Now, try to find her in all that chaos..."

"Aphrodite a revolutionary?! Missy, are you mocking me?"

"No, dad. The revolt was incited by Ares, and she of course supported her dearest second husband." Artemis' face radiated an honest disgust and the confidence that she, Artemis, would never sacrifice herself for any male chauvinistic pig, but then, some quirks in other people could be tolerated somehow.

A heavy silence entered the dining hall, and immediately was ripped by the following words.

"My head...oh, my head..." The words followed an initial moaning, and the aforementioned head emerged from under the table.

"Good morning, Dionysos," Artemis greeted the god of Wine and leading stuff without many emotions. It was an ordinary situation on an ordinary morning.

"Disgusting morning, Missy. Could you please stop smoking? It seems I'm going to be sick..." Dionysos clutched his messed head, still moaning.

"And maybe you could quit drinking, instead?"

"I can't, and you know that perfectly. You got your responsibilities, I got mine. And to think you woke me from the consequences of my responsibiliiesy with this puny, outdated information on little hypocrite Athena and this old freak Poseidon? You have no mercy at all on a poor sick God..."

"Outdated?" Zeus interrupted, throwing a meaningful glance at Hermes.

Hermes knew in exactly the same moment that he had to do something, if he wanted to prevent something bad preparing to happen.

"Well, Gods, I think we do not have much time to discuss the reasons, for our prime task is to fix the situation as quick as possible, and to prevent the family crisis while it is still possible."

"I agree." Hermes looked at Artemis, thankfully. "Just a question: how?"

"Well, we must get back Athena's men, together freeing Aphrodite as a start. Maybe then Athena would want to declare war on someone else, and forget all this romance business?" Hermes was proud of his ability to think quickly and smartly.

"Right," Artemis supported him again, and this woke a slight suspicion in Hermes. "But, yet another 'how' appears now, and one more thing. What if Athena will decide to attack, say, the Hindu pantheon then? There are hundreds of thousand gods there! And we might fail this time, dad..."

"You are right, Missy. But I'm pretty sure our little Hermes will think a way out, will you, Hermes? It was your idea, after all, and you surely know how to solve it!" Zeus' smile, warm and pleasant like a shark's, was the best proof Hermes overestimated his abilities to think quickly and smartly.

"Ok, then I suppose we can delay this," Artemis sighed. "But what about rescuing Athena's Saints, then? The Underworld is all in ruins, and Uncle Hades is nowhere to be found."

"Pah, they call this a problem," a muffled voice escaped from behind the table. "Call his wife, and that's all. She was always able to find him, especially when ole Hades didn't wanted to be found."

"Eureka!" Zeus clapped his hands. "How could we forget about Persy? We should summon her immediately!"

"Well, Persephone must be at her mother's this time..." Hermes stopped in the horrid realization which seemed to strike the other Gods, too. Except, probably, Dionysos.

Demeter, Persephone's mother and Hades' both sister and mother-in-law (for some reason, Zeus never cared about this complicated relationship between his brother and his daughter/niece. Maybe that was because Athena was his baby girl he gave birth totally independently - well, almost - and in such an unusual way. But most possibly it was just too complicated for Zeus), was known as an anti-civilization follower. There was no chance she ordered newspapers or otherwise followed the news in the world. Even if she knew what had happened, she no doubt told her daugther nothing - Demeter's feelings to her brother/son-in-law were very far from adoration.

It meant, Persephone still knew nothing.

"Somebody must inform her." That was Zeus.

Artemis seemed to be highly interested in the spot of ambrosia on the wall. Dionysos backed off to safety under the table and kept a suspicious silence. And poor Hermes was too aware who would end up as that somebody.

"Then I'll, er... should be going, right? Er, to find..."

"How sweet of you, Hermes! Do it, and I might forget this damn Daily Olympus of today."

"Right, Zeus." Hermes sighed as if he just had been condemned to horrible slow torture. And he really was, poor Mesenger of the Gods, for Persephone's short temper, completely opposite to her mother's phlegmatic nature, was too well known and feared in the whole Olympus.

End of Prologue -- Go to Chapter 1


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