The Zeus Chapter

© 2001 by Torquemada

"XX Century Hoax"

proudly presents:

"Hades is not enough", or "Seiya never dies"

(The script of the Zeus Chapter, that is perfect for Toei animators to avoid at any cost).

This page was last modified: 2001/07/10


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Chapter 8

Breakfast at Deathmask's! Anyone cares for a spare personality?


"I still can't understand, Aiolia, why of all Temples around we are going to have breakfast at Deathmask's," Shun finished the thought that he droned all the way from Libra to Cancer temple.

"But I already explained," Aiolia said, patiently, and Seiya again congratulated himself with choosing the right company. From all the Gold Saints, Aiolia and his ex-late brother Aiolos were definitely the most normal ones. Both they had bearable tempers, their speeches were more or less understandable, and their sexual preferences were firmly and inarguably straight, so Seiya & Co unanimously chose Leo and Sagittarius Saints to be the ones they could ask for help and support. Living in the Libra temple turned out to be not easy. Not that Bronzies hoped it to be easy, but it was somewhat calming to know you have someone to depend upon.

Another good thing was, that Aiolia's older brother was in fact of the same age like Bronze team. To see him patronizing his younger brother, who actually was 6 years older, was an additional fun.

"Deathmask is the only Gold Saint, who is able to cook more or less edible stuff," meantime, Aiolia continued his explanations. "Mu and Shion usually teleport somewhere to have their meals, Aldebaran...well, lets say he eats anything in his vicinity, Shaka's oversalted and overspiced weeds are extremely unpopular, and anyway -- we neighborhood Saints formed this small dining coven, and this became a tradition. Besides, I already informed Deathmask about the guests, and he didn't mind, so why not?"

"But still I think we did alright with our own cooking," Ikki grumbled, just to object. "Nobody minded, save Blind Hugh..."

"Leave it, Ikki. You know that this time Shaka was right," Aiolia said, mildly.

Since none of the Bronze Saints were taught cooking in their training campuses, the results of their trials were seldom edible -- cooking is one of those things that you cannot achieve with plain enthusiasm. Thus one day Shaka politely knocked at Libra's door and said, that, certainly, it was not a hard task for him to shut his sense of smell every time when a wind blew towards Virgo temple, but, as a matter of fact, he had got more important jobs to do, and, if the alchemical experiments of turning food into coal wouldn't stop, then he, Shaka, would be persuaded to take measures -- 'What about, say, taking 6 your senses, shaking and mixing them a bit, and then returning, eh? In different order?'

Right after that accident, Seiya went to Aiolia for help and got informed about this dining custom.

"But Aiolia, aren't you afraid that Deathmask will poison the food one day just for fun, or something like that?" Hyoga said. "We all know his temper. Besides, why not go to Camus? My sensei's French, sure thing he knows something about French cuisine."

"The only ingredient of French cuisine that Camus is not ignorant about," Aiolos gave the voice, "is wine. So he usually grabs a dozen or two of bottles and goes to Aphro next door. It really does not matter whether next morning he is sick of hangover or of Aphro's rotten fish a la Greenland. And Aphro, kind soul, always carries him home and places into his bed. He even takes his boots away and stuffs him with the blanket. So Camus is quite happy, and let's not spoil his fun...as a matter of fact, we are already here."

"And you are wrong about Deathmask," Aiolia whispered before knocking. "He is really very nice chap, and if you praise his meals, he is fully yours."

The cheerful voice of Deathmask responded 'It's open!' to the knocking, and the group entered the temple.

First thing to see was Gemini Saga, sitting at the table and looking, apathically, at the two big bowls of steaming spaghetti in front of him.

"Good morning, Saga," Aiolia greeted the Gemini Saint and glimpsed at two bowls. "Hungry, are you?"

"Get lost," Saga muttered, irritatedly, thus surprising the arrived company -- Saga's manners were known as the subtlest and most sophisticated in whole Sanctuary. "It's not for me alone."

"Oh, so you invited someone, too?"

"Not a chance. Someone likes to come uninvited."

"I say...and who might that be?"

"My other personality," Saga spat and hid his face in his hands, apparently not daring to see the reaction.

"Wha...?! Saga, it is a joke, isn't it? You said you got rid of it, didn't you? You said you did, I remember!" Aiolia blurted in astonishment.

"Do you really think I have such a bad sense of humor?" Saga snapped, his voice betraying him being just one step from serious hysteria. "Or do you think I am very pleased to be the carrier of the most hated personality around? It is that, you see, I did not ask him to be back, alright? Bloody coward," he proceeded in slightly calmed voice, "When I was dead, dead bored and in desperate need of just any company, where was he? When war of Hades started and his skills would come in handy, where was he? And now, when things just started to go well and I think I finally can get some fun from life -- here he is, fresh as rose, knocking at my mind -- and I even cannot hit the bugger into his teeth, because that would be my teeth scattered out!"

"Relax, Saga, nobody blames you," Deathmask poked his head out of the kitchen. "We all know you can't do anything. That personality is no fool. Mind you, he likes to declare himself exactly at the mealtimes. No fool, I tell you!"

"And why should I miss one of the biggest possible pleasures?" Saga announced in a changed voice, and nobody were too surprised to see his grey hair and red eyes. "Hello, buddy!" he waved to Aiolos. "You haven't changed a bit!"

None of the Saints attempted to communicate with him, so he felt bored and started to nibble in the bowl.

"It can't go like this," Aiolia said, gravely. "Don't know about you, but I won't be able to sleep peacefully anymore, knowing that this creep is so near."

Everyone looked at Saga, who was with blue hair again and stared, dumbly, at the shape of a hangman on the table, skillfully made from spaghettis.

"Who did that?"

"You did. Right now."

"See what I mean?" Saga looked around with the eyes of the cornered animal. "Have you ever considered, how must I feel, when people constantly accuse me of doing things I'm sure I never did, and even worse, sometimes you wake up and think 'What it this place and why do I wear this fireman's helmet..."

Everyone was ignoring his whining for some time ahead, due to the rumble of disgruntled voices in the anteroom and other noises of someone fighting -- and the next minute, very messed and very angry Milo dashed in, dragging behind him even more messed and flustered Aphrodite, who futily tried to stop him.

"Saga!" Milo yelled in his straightforward manner, ignoring everything around and, like usually, forgetting to say 'Hello'. "You liar! You told me that you are tired of the companies and personal contacts, and of life in general, and I, idiot, believed all this crap...pah! I give you the time, to let you rest, to know yourself and so on...I did it on my own will, what a fool...and you liar, you cheater, guess whom I found in your bedroom this morning? Him!" he pushed Aphrodite forward.

"Good morning," Aphrodite said, uneasily.

"And since when, Milo," Saga stood up and glared daggers back at Milo, "are you allowed to enter my quarters whenever you wish to, without caring to ask any kind of permission, let me ask? Did I not put a 'No trespassing' sign on my door, I ask you? Or this means nothing? What, do I have to get myself a pitbull to prevent my private territory from being constantly violated? And by the way, Aphrodite, what were you doing in my bedroom?"

"I overslept," Aphrodite said, primly.

Saga blinked in confusion, losing his ability to speak altogether. When he opened his eyes, they were red.

"Wait, wait, wait," he said in different voice. "Why is the noise? What, can I not invite for the night my own wi...aaaargh!"

"Oh, I am so clumsy," Aphrodite chimed, pushing Saga's face deeper in the spaghetti bowl. "Please forgive me dear, let me help you," he bent down to Saga's ear and whispered: "Ares, are you insane? Do you want to turn me in, or what? I am here incognito, how many times will I have to repeat that?"

"Sorry, my precious," Saga-Ares mumbled, spitting the food out. "I forgot again what that inco-thingy means. You use too much foreign complicated words, you know..."

"Bastard!" Milo said, with much feeling. Aiolia just imparted him the news, and now Milo strongly felt he had to say something.

"Bastard yourself," Saga-Ares dodged, "And I am pretty legal child, to your attention. Zeus is my dad, Hera's my mom, eat this!"

And, since he felt both disgusted by the spaghetti sauce on his face and the possible threat of arguing with his startled wife, he decided to retreat again, leaving Saga to face the consequences alone.

Meantime, the room got really crowded, since alarmed Aiolia telepathically trumpeted around the whole Sanctuary about the return of Ares, and the Gold Saints started to show up.

The muffled curses came from the kitchen, then Deathmask said, "But you are good too, boss! To teleport onto the oven!", and Shion entered with sour expression on his face and rubbing, stealthily, his bottom.

"Could anyone explain to me what is happening?"

"Small problem," Aiolia said. "We have here one personality too much than is really necessary. I mean Ares is back, boss."

"Wrong!" red-eyed Saga shouted. "I was always here! Only went underground for some time. And I remember you, dotty face -- aren't you supposed to be dead, incidentally?"

"We'll soon have the change in deads here," Shion hissed, glaring at Saga with hateful eyes. Insults like murder were not easily forgotten. Especially when spiced up with the next insult.

"And what can you do, eh? Eh?" Saga-Ares jeered. "You can't kill me, that's for sure, because I'm a god! Try, and what you'll have will be a vacancy in the position of Gemini saint, and I'll get myself a new carrier alright."

However reluctantly, Shion had to admit that was true. He had no real experience in dealing with lofty gods. On the other hand, he knew about particular experiences of the Bronze Saints.

"Hyoga, I've heard that you are half-Christian, aren't you? Then maybe you happen to know anything about exorcism?"

"Won't work," Saga-Ares announced, smugly. "The stuff affects only them Christian demons, and I happen to be a god. Besides, if you try to shoo me out, I'll go and tell my mum everything. Then we will see who's the boss!"

The uncanny silence stood again, while Shion was feverishly thinking of any means that would not allow him to admit his defeat; meanwhile, other Saints gathered in and started to pry with their unasked offers.

"Maybe we could..." Shaka began, obviously going to say something highly philosophical, but then Saga again cut his performance.

"Oh, no!" He sprang up, his eyes (normal colour again) bulging into the void. "Not that, too!"

"What now?" Shion asked, wearily. This all started to tire him already.

"Kanon, my brother, is back to Earth. Oh no..."

"Want a third plate?" Deathmask inquired, matter-of-factly.

"No, silly," Saga collapsed back, dismally. "It's the twin thing, you won't understand. I sense him, his emotions, his experiences, too...I discovered this after that Sunion Cape incident, when I went to calm my nerves to the Spa and nearly suffocated...anyway, from then forward I feel anything that he is on."

"How romantic," mused Milo, who was a great fan of cheesy supernatural things.

"Romantic?!" Saga pierced him with a glance of concentrated hatred. "Romantic? Oh indeed it was very romantic, when you were shooting your woodoo attacks at him, and I even couldn't scratch the places where you hit, because the damn coffin was too narrow!"

Milo intended to come back with some good nasty words, but remembered in time, what the elders said about treating the sick people, so he swallowed his acid answer and retreated to the back row of the stalls.

The remark that followed Saga's sad story, was so disconnected with the subject, that it made all Saints hush and redirect their attention from Saga to the newcomer.

"Greetings, fair people. My humble apologies if I am interrupting something important..."

At the porch, there stood Dragon Shiryu who smiled, modestly.

"Shiryu!" Seiya, who really did not care about Saga and got fairly bored by the events in Deathmask's temple, urged to meet his friend. "I'm so glad to see you here, hey! But," he lowered his voice to a mere whisper, "You made a mistake by coming to this resort for mentals. You'd better stay in your quiet nice place, really."

"I had no choice," Shiryu whispered back, sadly. "Dohko had returned, and he stayed in his young form, so quite soon Shunrei lisped to me in her most saccharine voice, that since she is used to care about Dohko, she is going to keep with these activities, and she prefer mature men anyway, and...what the hell, three words: I was dumped."

"Wow," Seiya said, compassionately. "And what about Dohko himself?"

"He was in his style: uttered some fable, which was fully beyond understanding and stuffed with clever words, but had a very simple moral: bugger off, while you can. That's all."

"It's rude to whisper like that in a full room of people, you know," Shion remarked, reproachfully.

"Yeah," Deathmask added. "What secrets can be among friends?"

If there were a person whom Shiryu would refuse to give even the slightest bit of glee, that was Deathmask. So Shiryu adjusted his story a bit, skipping unnecessary bits, and said:

"Well, since Dohko prefers to stay in Five Old Peaks, I'm here to take his place."

"To take his place, that's it!" Shion slapped himself on the forehead. Before anyone managed to ask him what he meant, Shion addressed Saga:

"I'd like to speak with Ares, please."

"Well?" red eyes scowled at him, after the short performance of transformational special effects.

"Say, what if we make a rotating queue for you? It is unfair to bugger poor Saga all the time, and as a supreme ruler of this Sanctuary I must care about my subordinates. Your constant presence is not particularly healthy for him, so what would you say about the weekly duty to live in different minds -- one week in Seiya's, another in Hyoga's, and so on?"

"Fishy," Saga-Ares frowned.

"No, it's not," Shion objected, gently. "I can give you my word. Besides, look at all them new experiences you can have, that many places you can visit! So many attitudes you can bear! So many..." he bent to Saga's ear and whispered, temptingly, "...hidden vices you can enjoy! In your place, I'd really consider this."

"Oh, I dunno," Saga-Ares still hesitated, but he was obviously tempted; unlike two mentioned Bronzies, who didn't object just because they were too outraged to speak.

Yet, Shion had got his position of Sanctuary's pope not because of his pretty eyes, but because he really was good in bossing, thus after some time Ares gave up. The Saints, who weren't too pleased about the opportunity to get a temporary schizophrenia, were firmly threatened and shut up.

Although, several excuses were made.

First one was for Aphrodite, who got really scared -- being already the full avatar, he had no spare space in his mind for yet another divine being. So, he instantly created a little story about his allergy against alien personalities. He picked all the seriously-sounding terms that he knew for his speech, hoping that his reputation of biology's scientist would prevent other Saints from both understanding what he had said and inquiring about what he had said. Luckily it happened exactly like that. Plus, Ares himself didn't object with skipping Aphrodite (the unexpectedly wise idea struck him -- that some things, that your wife thinks about you, are better left unknown).

The second veto went on Shun.

"What to use uncle's Hades old body?" Saga's nose wrinkled in disgust. "I will never! It's the same like putting his old unwashed underwear on! Yuck!"

"Underwear, thank you very much," Shun said, sorrowfully. The reason of being rejected insulted him enough to almost wish to host the homeless personality.

Then, the next problem occurred: nobody wanted to be first. And although Deathmask tried to push, persistently, Shiryu's candidature, Shion decided to draw a lot before he could make a schedule of hosting.

The lot pointed at Shiryu.

"Good choice," Deathmask said, while Shiryu tried to pretend he was calm and bold, and to secretly wipe the sweatdrops away. "Now, I would not want to miss the moment of moving."

"I'm afraid you just did," Saga, with blue hair again, sighed heavily. "I feel...void. It seems he went away."

He stared at the table for a while, enjoying the feeling of being the only master of his mind.

"I feel void, empty..." his look touched the bowls of spaghetti, "...and hungry."

He dragged the bowls closer, but someone's hand lay on his shoulder, and one of the bowls was politely pushed back.

"Excuse me," Dragon Shiryu said, stuffing the braid of white-red-blue striped hair behind his ear, and winked, malevolently, an orange eye. "I believe this is for me."

End of Chapter 8 -- Go to Chapter 9


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