The Zeus Chapter

© 2001 by Torquemada

"XX Century Hoax"

proudly presents:

"Hades is not enough", or "Seiya never dies"

(The script of the Zeus Chapter, that is perfect for Toei animators to avoid at any cost).

This page was last modified: 2001/08/30

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Chapter 9

Everyone gathered! And still no action.

"I imagined that death would be horrible, torturing, painful -- or, in Heaven's case, I'm a Christian after all, sweet, undisturbed and idyllic. In my worst nightmares I hadn't suspected it would be boring," Kraken Isaac declared, gloomily, to the world in general.

Since the world in general didn't deign to answer, Crysaor Krishna, group's philosopher, decided he could inherit this right.

"Always look on the bright side," he said, didactically. "We may be dead, but at least we do not have Kanon and Sorrento around anymore."

"Lucky buggers," Scylla Io, nature's pessimist, grumbled. "They enjoy the pleasures of life, while we..."

"Who are you calling a bugger, you bunch of lazy dumbasses?" Sea Dragon Kanon yelled, making Io gasp and fall backwards, and Isaac go ghostly pale.

Krishna, however, stayed unimpressed.

"One more joke like this, Kaysa," he calmly said, "and you are...well, you are dead anyway, but don't worry, I'll think of something to make your death feel really unpleasant."

"Sorry," Sea Dragon looked crestfallen and his image became slightly blurry on the edges. "Your minds suddenly got filled with such a distinctive fright, that I simply couldn't resist."

"Fright? What are you talking about," Seahorse Baian said, scornfully. "We are not afraid of Kanon anymore, are we, guys? Of course he is not a bad man at all, Kanon; a very nice and charming man he is..." Baian looked around, furtively - as if expecting someone to pop out of the void.

"Aye, good man, very good indeed."

"Salt of the earth."

"Brave warrior."

Kaysa decided against reminding his fellows about the fear; after all, was he not secretly anxious himself, that Sea Dragon Shogun really would appear, when his name was mentioned? Kaysa knew that it was only a silly superstition, but while living with Kanon by their side for years, the Marinas were accustomed to many very unpleasant accidents with Shogun Kanon and his 'Surprise!!!' appearances. Accustomed, but never really used to them.

It seemed that similar memories struck the other Marinas as well, since an uncanny silence entered the place. Nobody wanted to develop this conversation further, but there was no honor in admitting they were a big deal scared either.

"Siren Sorrento, now that bugger is a real jackal," Isaac was the first to find what to say to change the tensed atmosphere.

"Absolute moron," Io nodded. Since nobody feared Siren Shogun, the way for gossiping about him in the cruelest manner was widely open, thus all the accumulated feelings could be let out without touching the painful subject of Kanon. "I always suspected him of being the renegade, mind my words."

"I thought that, too, be so sure. His girlish voice, that silly hip-waggling walk, and the way how he blew his pipe...yuck!" Baian assumed. He didn't know what 'a renegade' meant, but he would never admit his ignorance, so he adjusted the word to his own impression about poor Sorrento.



"He should be dead instead of us, that queer!"


With this, the topic of Sorrento was depleted, and again the boring silence floated over this little corner of the Underworld.

"And yet," Baian broke it in dreamy voice, "I'm kinda sad that Tethys is not with us. I don't want her to be dead of course, but that babe would definitely enrich a man's life here. Women can do that. Women, and..." his misty gaze slipped away and was stuck on the gigantic shape of a whiskey bottle, which rolled back and fro, idly, with a damp gurgling. Baian's eyes narrowed in outrage.

"Kaysa, you bloody scoundrel! Stop this immediately, or you'll really regret the day you were born, I swear!"

"Like I never heard that before," the bottle answered, sulkily. "And it's not fair anyway to blame me, if your own mind is so...simple. You should thank me for not turning into something else that crowds your filthy rotten brain."

"What?!" Baian roared. "How dare,! Now, I am really..."

"You just touch me," Kaysa warned, taking back his original shape, "and everyone here will see what you like to think about! I'm sure they would enjoy the view, hah!"

"Indeed," Isaac interfered. "Do a performance, Kaysa. Fight the boredom."

"Oh yeah?" Baian turned to him. "And what about the play based on your own mind, maybe? I, for example, would really like to see whether you indeed are so prudent and valiant like you want us to think. What would you say about that, eh?"

"Well, some parts would be tricky, but quite manageable, if only..." Kaysa began, but was grudgingly stopped by a very infuriated Isaac.

"What would I say, yeah? You really wanna hear what I would say? Fine, then unfold your big ears and listen carefully, you..."

And hell knew what the outcome of the debates would be, if it were not for the appearance of some unfamiliar person in the battlefield.

"What ho, Marina Shoguns," the apparition said. "Glad to see you alive and kicking...verbally. I brought a message for you, a good message -- holler and be happy!"

"Who's that? Another of your illusions, Kaysa?" Isaac inquired suspiciously.

"No, I can't do remote illusions. I'm at a loss here myself."

"He speaks like a Jehova's witness," Io stated.

"Jehova's witness in Hell?"

"And where else? I'm amazed we only met one by now, as a matter of fact. Hell must be really crowded with these people."

"Alright, let's have it short, then," the apparition said, annoyed. "So let me introduce myself -- my name is Hermes, I'm a messenger of the Gods, and I brought you the tickets to the world of the living...well?" Since no response followed, Hermes felt vexed. "Aren't you fellows, supposed to be happy or suchlike? I'm not asking for hugs and kisses, but a little 'Thank you, old Hermes, for your efforts and tribulations' would be appreciated, thank you very much."

Among all Shoguns, Io was the only nature's pessimist; however, the other Shoguns were what could be called 'the pessimists of Kanon's supervising', thus they didn't believe in good things happening just like that, for nothing.

"And what do you want in return?" Isaac asked, suspiciously.

"In return? Oh please, drop it, guys. I'm only doing you a favour, that's it. No price whatsoever, you'll be happy and peacefully living again in Poseidon's domain..."

"Ah! That's it," Isaac snapped his fingers with some malicious content. "Thank you, but no. I'd rather stay dead. After all, boredom is not the worst that can happen to you, when compared..."


"I agree."


"Go away and put your tickets where the sun doesn't shine."

"I see," Hermes shrugged, guiltily. "If you don't want it the good way, let's have it the bad way. I have no other choice."

And he clapped his hands.

* * *

...meantime, in the world of the living, the happy couple of Athena & Poseidon set their yacht in Poseidon's private bay and currently headed, hand in hand, towards Solo house. By their looks, the journey was pleasant.

By the look of Siren Sorrento, who hysterically ran to meet them, his recent time-spending was very opposite.

"Boss! Oh, boss..." he breathed, panting, when he reached the startled couple. "Boss, please forgive me. I couldn't do anything! I couldn't, I swear! To stop him, I...I..."

"Sorrento, what's wrong with you? What could you not do, what happened anyway, I demand you to tell me!" Poseidon always knew that this Marina of his was easily thrilled, but in such awful condition Poseidon saw him for the first time, and his imagination immediately created the kaleidoscope of various disasters, beginning with a tornado and finishing with the runaway gorilla's visit to his house.

"Boss, he is...he back!" Sorrento stammered, his magenta eyes big and full of such supernatural terror, that Poseidon caught himself thinking, 'So that's how the last boundary of terror looks'.

Nevertheless, he was wrong, because the next moment Sorrento's eyes went even further on the path towards insanity, he gasped a mute 'Argh', and limped in the place he stood.

The weirdest thing was, that such an emotional reaction was caused by a simple and amiable 'Hello, you two travelers'.

Poseidon turned his eyes to the doorway.

There stood Sea Dragon Kanon who smiled at them in the most polite and cute manner.

To Poseidon's honour we must say, that, unlike his trusty Marina, he didn't faint, and his reaction was not that exaggerated anyway. Because, first, he was a god, and second and more important was, that he had a cute female by his side, and fainting in her presence would not be the kind of impression men liked to leave on cute females.

"You?" Poseidon hissed with perfectly played notes of divine wrath, and in wide, majestic steps he strode towards Kanon (the impression on divine grace was slightly spoiled by the moment, when he tripped on Sorrento and nearly fell down) -- and gripped, furiously, on his shirt.

"How dare you, worthless traitor, to show your impudent face here like nothing happened? How dare you?!"

"Oh dear," Kanon rolled his eyes. "I'm sure I've already heard such a passionate speech once. No, no prompting, please! I'm sure I'll remember myself, go memory, go...ah, gotcha! Cape Sunion and my dear lunatic brother. It's utterly amazing how alike your minds are, only he was, no offence taken, a bit more dignified...Hello, Lady Saori, how do you do?" he greeted Saori, who in the meantime approached the doorway, too.

"Fine, Kanon, and how are you?" Saori said; some particular shades of her voice made Poseidon loosen, slightly, his grip; the 'Red Alert' indicator in his brain gave several warning flashes.

"Perfect, perfect, never been better," Kanon awarded Saori with one of his trademark smiles (particularly, 'Cynically Innocent Slightly Crooked Grin For Ladies' brand from "Macho Impressions" summer collection), then he glanced back at Poseidon and added: "Now, would you excuse us for a brief moment? I think your man and I would like to have an eye-to-eye smalltalk, wouldn't we?"

"Sure, just don't keep me waiting for too long," Saori said, her voice slightly trembling under the influence of the precisely aimed grin.

Kanon made a few steps aside, dragging Poseidon, who still held onto his shirt, with him.

"But of course," he winked and then unwillingly redirected his attention to Poseidon.

"Any problems, Julian?"

Only Poseidon's good knowledge on the subject 'Kanon and his unexisting sense of subordination' prevented Poseidon from bursting into an outrageous stream of curses. Now, he contented himself with the temporary gap in his gift of speech.

"You, you traitor, you..." he began and was mercilessly cut.

"Traitor, me? And why do you think so? Just because I saved your current girlfriend from being prickled with your fork?" Kanon said, sarcastically. "Or would you prefer to have her with three holes in her belly, or even worse," he leant to Poseidon's ear, "in those lush boobs?"

"Um, no..." Poseidon felt utterly dizzy and also he suspected being mocked -- but that was anyone's usual feeling when talking to Kanon, and like it always was with Kanon, there was no evidence.

"So the problem is solved, I consider, and you finally can let go of my shirt," Kanon succeeded in sharing his grin between Saori, who answered with the same, and Poseidon, who came up with a sudden sting of jealousy -- and was a big deal relieved, getting a chance to change the unnerving subject.

"And what are you grinning at?" he returned himself the divine posture and voice; after some time, he released Kanon's shirt, and then the posture began to look, finally, more or less divine indeed.

"Me?" Kanon replied, innocently, glimpsing at Saori and seeing that she went noticeably pale. 'Just look at her,' he remarked for himself 'Not the slightest talent to feign, every emotion on the face, and she calls herself a goddess, pah!'

"And what's wrong in that?" Nevertheless, he saved her once, he could do the same twice and more times; you never knew when a favour from a grateful goddess would be usable. "We know each other for a long time, and like you don't know that yourself. We did a bit of world-saving together, so can't I greet my former comrade?"

"Ah," Poseidon said, slightly relieved.

"Yes, that's it," Saori nodded, fervently, and threw a look of gratitude towards Kanon. One day, she would probably tell Poseidon about that secret room behind her own one in the Temple, and about that set of spare keys...but one day. Definitely not this day. Wishing both to direct conversation away and to thank Kanon, she chimed:

"But why are we standing outside, boys? Let's go in, I'm dying for a cup of tea!"

She steadily headed towards the door.

"After you, Milady," Kanon said, gallantly.

"Comrades," Poseidon muttered, suspiciously.

"Uh-oh", forgotten by everyone Sorrento said after about an hour, when he finally dared to lift his head from the pavement.

However, his attempt to lift the remaining body parts from the pavement failed miserably, because suddenly there appeared five of his former co-workers out of nowhere, and 10 feet of theirs landed precisely on him.

"Shit!" Isaac estimated the situation. "Solo house! I knew it! Grrrrr, if I ever meet that devious bastard Hermes again, for this he will pay with every inch of his worthless body, that I will kick him into!"

"Sheesh," Scylla Io whispered, pressing his finger to Isaac's lips. "Don't make a noise, and then maybe we can get out of here unnoticed. Maybe they still do not know we are here?"

"I'm very sorry to disappoint you, but they do," Julian Solo, who appeared on the balcony, attracted by the suspicious noise, and watched the scene unnoticed, now savoured the range of emotions on his Marinas' faces.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," he shook his head, disapprovingly. "Have you noticed, Shoguns, that you are trampling on my property, and quite a fragile one? It is so annoying, when you leave your subordinates unsupervised just for some a few months, and after your return you find them so slovenly! Fortunately, I do have some means, that will shape you up again." He grinned, sadistically, at the undescribable horror on Shoguns' faces. They understood.

And although they did, the sense of doom overcame them anyway, when they saw the familiar figure emerging from behind Poseidon and saying:

"See, Julian? I told you that you would yet need my help."

* * *

"Your plan has failed again, Hermes," said Zeus in his Olympus. "And you know, I'm getting really, really annoyed. So if you won't create something that will work, I promise you a nice and peaceful full-time incarnation in, say, an oak tree. How long do they live? I've heard over a thousand years, don't they?"

Hermes waited until Zeus left the room and only then said all that he thought about the supreme ruler of Olympus. After that, he felt slightly better and even able to think a bit.

"It seems, that the good old Earth needs my direct intervention locally, not remotely. And then we will see, who really is an oak in Olympus."

End of Chapter 9 -- Go to Chapter 10

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