Doubt

© 2000/05/02 by Stayka deyAvemta

I'm tired.

Again my gaze wanders over the battlefield -
Nothing but debris, destruction and death...
The mutilated corpses of the enemy
Intermingled with the shattered bodies of my Saints.

Their glittering Cloths are matted with blood
Eyes that were still shining the previous day
Now agonized and lifeless, extinguished their light.
Crying, I sink down to my knees.

Even you are dead, my chosen champion,
You died like you died all the times, all the wars
Only reborn for the fight time by time.
You never chose to be the hero, fate chose you.

Fate chose me as well.

Every time I regain my consciousness as the Goddess
The memories of the battles return
And I doubt.

(Tears fall down and wash away some of the blood.)

Is this truly worth all the sacrifices?
Why was it me who was chosen?
Why do I have to lose the ones who are dearest to me
To achieve this victory
Which is not even final?

I have to fight for the fate of the world
Or so I have been told.
But what is left for me after the triumph
But the loss of the ones I loved dearly?

Again I feel that in truth it was me who was defeated
Even though the enemy is sealed away.

And in two or three hundred years
Everything will start all anew
When this Goddess' soul returns to Earth,
Innocent and ignorant of all the pain that awaits

Until it's too late.


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